I Knew This Planned Parenthood Internship Would Pay Off

Dude #1: …so do you think I can have dibs on her, or is that not a good idea?
Dude #2: What do you mean?
Dude #1: Well, she had an abortion six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh dude, what are you doing!?
Dude #1: Yeah, but can't she not get pregnant because she just had an abortion?
Dude #2: Oh, that's a good point. I don't think that works like that…
Dude #1: But it was six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought you said six months ago! Yeah, man, you got a sweet deal there. I can't believe your luck, where do you keep meeting these women!?

–Bathroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on December 30, 2014
Abortion, Advice, Default, Fordham, Guys, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, Stall Spies, Students

How PhDs Say “That Shit Sucked”

Girl, after watching Annie Hall: So, that was your first Woody Allen movie? What did you think?
Guy: It was very Larry David-esque.

–Movies Under the Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Smart Alex/ You Know Nothing of My Work!

Posted on December 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, TV

…Despite My Best Efforts

50-something woman: Do you have pastrami?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Is it good?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Okay, then. I'd like a pastrami on rye. Lots of pastrami.
Deli worker: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-something woman: Oh, it's to go home to my husband. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of his triple bypass surgery.

–Deli Store

Overheard by: ydnew naej

Posted on December 30, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Celebrations/Parties, Delis, Family Ties, Food, Questions, Surgery, Women

The Wednesday One-Liner Monologues

Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality?

–110th & Amsterdam

Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold!

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina.

–NYU

Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me.

–Archbold Theater

Overheard by: nice

Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok?

–55th St & 8th

Posted on December 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Students, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weather, Women

…For When I Go Predator-Trolling

Young Hispanic mother, on Disney princess dresses: So, sweetie, which one do you like the best?
Three-year-old girl: I like Jasmine's.
Young Hispanic mother: Oh yeah, that one's sexy.
Three-year-old girl: Seeeeeeexy.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Marina

Posted on December 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Kids, Latinos, Moms, Parks, Questions

By “Picture” I Mean “Life-Sized Doll” and By “Wall” I Mean “Bed”

Guy: Hey, this might sound creepy but I have a picture of you on my wall.
Jon Stewart: That is creepy. Do you live in a comedy club?

–Cupcake Cafe, 18th & 26th

Posted on December 29, 2014
About Celebrities, Actors, Astoria, Celebrities, Comedians, Default, Fears, Guys, Pictures, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Do Their Little Turn on the Catwalk

Woman on cell, wearing fuchsia catsuit and clutching stuffed parrot: I’m on the corner of Broadway and 69th in a ridiculous outfit.

–69th & Broadway

Buff guy: You know what they used to call me in jail? “Harry the Robe,” because I wore this beautiful white robe after I took showers.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: gina

Girl on cell: I swear, if I have my underwear on inside out today I am just going to snap.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Amused listener

Preppy guy: Is there a philosopher named Kenneth Cole? Because there is this huge billboard with his quote on it.

–Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington between Norfolk & Essex

Guy in black cape and Batman-type mask: No one ever fucks with me when I go out at night rocking this outfit.

–Franklin & Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: lil pirate

Girl: Do they even have Prada in Boston? They just have baked beans and Benjamin Franklin, and he’s dead.

–Stanton & Orchard

Girl, walking behind another girl who’s wearing a pink tutu, white stockings, and a tiara: Let her walk alone wearing this on her birthday.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Not Wearing a Tutu

Posted on December 29, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Prison, Questions, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

He Does Kinda Look Like an Enemy Combatant

Cop #1: Sir, you need to move along.
Insane hobo: I didn't touch anyone, goddammit! I didn't do nuthin! I don't touch!
Cop #2: Just get the hell outta here.
Cop #1: Please just move along.
Hobo: I didn't do nuthin, goddammit!
Cop #2 to cop #1: Can I pistol whip him?

–Atlantic Avenue Station, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on December 29, 2014
Brooklyn, Cops, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Hobos, Offers and requests, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats

Playing “Mirror” Gets Old After Age Five

Man: If you do that, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it?
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: So, I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: Well, I really think I'm justified.
Man: Oh, do you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.
Man: So you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.

–11th St & Perry St

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on December 29, 2014
Men, Questions, Stupidity, West Village, Women

Questions