Six-year-old kid to lost-looking mother: So, where's downtown?
Mom: Well, it's not uptown!
–42nd Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Excellent deduction, Watson.
Six-year-old kid to lost-looking mother: So, where's downtown?
Mom: Well, it's not uptown!
–42nd Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Excellent deduction, Watson.
Dude on cell: If he wrote a fucking haiku I would shit myself!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Hip dude: I was like: "Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit."
–W 4th
Customer to associate: Where can I pay for this shit?
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’ll shit when I gotta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
am New York paper guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free because their employees get paid shit!
–53rd & 7th Ave
Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Darling Pinky
Man #1: You know that saying about how if you teach a man to fish, he can fish?
Man #2: Yeah.
–Grand Central Station
Woman: You have everything?
Man, looking at suitcase and opening box: I think that's it.
Woman: What's in this box?
Man: It's my life. You know: vodka and lotion.
Woman: And toothpaste! Where'd you get that funny toothpaste?
–Elevator, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Along for the ride
Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it's pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won't be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.
–167th St
Boy: When I was little I used to think that if the planet got heavy enough, it would start to fall.
Friend: You must have been pretty smart to even think that when you were a little kid.
Boy: But what if I still think that?
Friends: Then you're a dumb ass.
–C Train
Overheard by: Rafael DaSilva
Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That's okay, I'm a nun!
–9th & Broadway
Italian father: Hey, son, look at this knee cap.
Son: Cool. What is that stuff?
Italian father: You see the part that looks like calamari? Well, that will give you trouble one day.
–Bodies Exhibition
Overheard by: hrln
