Tales from the Supermarket

Obese cashier lady: This soy milk supposed to make you slender?
Woman: Uh, I dunno.
Skinny cashier lady: Girl, ain’t no soy milk gonna make your fat ass slender!
Obese cashier lady: Shut your ass up.

–Gristedes, West 64th Street

Overheard by: vegannramember

Man #1: I’m talkin’ about cup noodles, nigga.
Man #2: Them shits is good.
Man #1: They’s cheaper than mac and cheese.
Man #2: Mac and cheese went up by a dollar!
Man #1: Tell me you is playin’!

–L train

Overheard by: Mason Buck

Cashier lady: How come this rings up as “Homo Milk”?

–K-mart, East 8th Street

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Loudspeaker: Aisle 10 is now open for customers with less than a million items.

–Key Food, Astoria

Overheard by: Christa

Posted on October 19, 2014
Advice, Diet/Weight, Food, Grocery Stores, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

When I Chain You to the Treadmill Tonight, I’ll Be Doing It with Love

Middle-aged woman on her cell: Where are you? Don’t get the pizza, it’s too many calories. Just get a salad or something. Well, I only say that because I had a nightmare last night where you got big. It was awful. Oh, honey, come on I love you, stop.
I’m just saying, if you had a dream that a building was collapsing and a guy was about to walk into it, wouldn’t you say “stop”? Well, then we agree.

–Pax Wholesome Foods, 6th & 40th

Posted on October 19, 2014
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Dreams, Food, On Cell, Pizza, Questions, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Let’s Just Say My Name Used to Be “Bob”

Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: rko

Posted on October 18, 2014
Body Parts, Cashiers, Customers, Default, Grocery Stores, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women

When, Really, Tyra Did

Guy #1: I want to sing into an oscillating fan and record it.
Guy #2: Do you think you’re the first person to think of that? That’s like saying the kid on Project Runway invented the word “fierce”.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Posted on October 18, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Questions, Singing, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

She's a Proctologist, Betsy.

Mother: What do you mean by “she's obsessed with him”?
Five-year-old daughter: Cause she's all like…up his butt!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Posted on October 18, 2014
Ass, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Staten Island, Words

The Federal Tax Code, Encapsulated

Hobo to passerby: Sir, can you spare a thousand dollars?
Passerby: Haha… Oh you’re serious.

–21st & 3rd

Overheard by: Paul

Posted on October 17, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Hobos, Homeless, Laughter, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Questions, Strangers

I've Fallen Out of Love With Scientific Materialism

Guy #1: What do you think about calories? I don't believe they're real.
Guy #2 (humoring him): Yeah…
Guy #1: Yeah, I don't know about atoms either.

–F Train

Posted on October 17, 2014
Default, Guys, On the Subway, Philosophy, Questions, Science, Stupidity

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige