Questions

Translation: “You're the Guy I Pantsed Every Day in Junior High”

Middle aged theater-goer to teenage boy dressed as renaissance page: Are you a part of the performance?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: What?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: Then why are you dressed like that?
Page boy: I'm just an eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Oh.
Page boy: Someone has to play the part of eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Well, good for you. High-five me, if that's not too far out of your century.

–Schubret Theater

But He Had a Lot of Difficulties Making Weight

Little boy: Dad, who’s Mahatma Gandhi?
Dad: You don’t know who Gandhi is?
Little boy: No. Was he a sports star?
Dad: Something like that…

–Union Square

Return to the Port Authority

Guy on Cell: Have you ever tried to masturbate while Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You” is playing in the background? Well, it’s more difficult than you think…

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Michael Roche

I Didn't Know That Was Possible in Such Tight Jeans

Hipster guy #1: Dude, it's so cold…did you just pee your pants?
Hipster guy #2: I did. I peed my pants, everybody! I peed them!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: youknowme

Said the Grasshopper to the Ant

Guy with clipboard: Hey there! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
Gay dude: Every minute of my life is for gay rights.
Guy with clipboard: Are you aware that there are people in Washington trying to take your rights away?
Gay dude: No shit! That's not news! Leave me alone!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: mille shayntwright

Could You Call Ahead to the Pro-Choicers on 6th?

Environmentalist giving out fliers: Excuse me sir, do you care about helping our environment?
Man: Oh no thank you, I’m a Republican.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Dave

Yeah Right, Mr. “All-You-Can- Eat Strip Club Buffet”

Guy: Guess how much I paid for that fucking hamburger?
Girl: How much?
Guy: 32 dollars! No hamburger is worth 32 dollars.

–NYU Dorm

Guess That Explains the Cloven Hoofs

White girl to boyfriend: I want to go to my father's country one day…I want to go where my father was born…Hades.
Boyfriend: Where?
White girl: Hades, I wanna go to Hades where my father was born…you know, that little island in the Dominican Republic?

–PATH

…Fair-Trade Heroin?

Scruffy man to another, walking by where a food cart usually is: Hey, that food cart ain't there?
Other man: You eat there! That's supporting terrorists!
Scruffy man: So! That shit's cheap!

–Post Office, 33rd St

Now I Have Twenty Cats, but Nothing's Changed

Lonely cat lady: Remember a few years back when I had ten cats? I knitted ten of these adorable little stockings for them, and I filled each one with catnip. Well, I never did that again!
Passenger: Why? Did they all freak out over the catnip?
Lonely cat lady: No, they didn't even appreciate all the work that went into it. They just ignored them.

–Midtown NJ Tranist

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