Questions

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message

Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia

Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.

–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber

20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: spf

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: onelinerwonder

(conductor closes subway doors on relatively empty train, preventing a throng of people from boarding)
3-year-old girl: Mommy, why did he do that?
Mother: Because he's mean!

–1 Train

Overheard by: M

Woman #1: Do you want sugar cookies, or chocolate chip cookies?
Woman #2 (about 5 feet away, studying nutrition facts): Hmm?
Woman #1: Would you prefer fucking sugar cookies or chocolate fucking chip?
Woman #2 (coming over): What are you talking about?
Woman #1 (yelling): Which fucking cookie do you want?
Woman #2: Hm, you choose. (walks away)

–The Food Emporium, 48th St

Law student #1: How about we send her a fruit basket?
Law student #2: She's not Jewish.
Law student #3: You don't have to be Jewish to appreciate good fruit.

–Cardozo School of Law

Overheard by: Law Student

Elderly female employee, out on smoke break: So I met this gentleman at the coffee shop the other day.
More elderly woman: How do you know he was a gentleman?
Elderly female employee: I don't, but I sure hope he's not.

–CVS Pharmacy

Suit: Have you ever been to Ali Baba's?
Brunette: Ew, why would I go there?
Suit: I don't know, I heard the food is good…
Brunette: Oh! Ali Baba the restaurant? I thought you meant Ali Baba the country.

–34th St

Professor: You should go to Trump Towers and pretend to be a prospective buyer, and tour the rooms.
Student: Will they pay for my lunch?
Professor: No.
Student: How bout a scone?
Professor: We're in a recession.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Alexandra Bailey

Hipster #1: And so then she said, “I'm not even turned on, I just think you're retarded…”
Hipster #2: Oh, dude. Did you guys still have sex?
Hipster #1: Yeah, it was okay.

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Rachel

20-something daughter: Mom, how did you know that dad was the one?
Mom: He was the only one I didn't cheat on.

–LIRR, Penn Station

Skinny hipster to friend: All I'm saying is, if he can fuck a skinny chick why fuck a fat chick?
Random passerby: Shit, that guy ain't gotten pussy in months.

–East Village