See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run

Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.

–44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

–1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!

–Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.

–MacDougal St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Sexuality, Shopping, The Village, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

Guy: And I was thinking how lucky I was not to have had a bris. That guy had like eight of them!

–Thai Restaurant

Overheard by: sara swank

Girl: Wait, are you circumcised? In the penis?

–Wicked Monk, 86th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: christine

Beautiful Latina: But my dad getting circumcised at 57 wasn’t even the funniest thing!

–Dallas BBQ, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen on cell: So, they were going to uncircumcise it?

–Flatbush Ave & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Teen girl: Oh my god, my circumcised hot dog!

–The Summit School

Overheard by: Michael

CVS employee on cell: Yo, that nigga be gangsta son, he be gangsta. That nigga be circumcised, he all "what?" that nigga fall down, he be "waah, waah" then be be right back up playing an shit. Yeah, that nigga’s gangsta.

–CVS, 30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Robyn

Posted on July 2, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Circumcision, Girls, Guys, Judaism, Latinos, On Cell, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

We Were Eating Well in the Neighborhell

Wife: Oh, where was that place we had that really good beer? I forgot where that was… Do you remember…?
Husband: Applebee’s?

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Posted on July 1, 2008
Brooklyn, Couples, Default, Drinks, Questions

Be Sure to Bury Me with My DS

Little girl with Nintendo DS: Mommy, since I can’t sleep in my room tonight, do I still have to help you right now?
Mom: Yes, you can still help.
Little girl: Ugh, fine. Just let me go die.

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2008
Death, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Union Square and East Village

For Your Information, We Need These Jackets for Medicinal Purposes

Waspy girl on cell: No, it’s totally safe up here. I mean there are hipsters on the street.
Passing hipster (to friend wearing Members Only jacket): Is she talking about us?

–125th & Park

Posted on July 1, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

That, and She Has Thick Ankles

Older yenta: What is she, anyway?
Younger yenta: Jehovah’s witness.
Older yenta: So that’s her problem!

–PATH

Posted on July 1, 2008
Christianity, Default, Old People, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Women

You’re Kidding Yourself If You Think Those Things Don’t Matter

Account executive: So, who’d you vote for?
Creative director: Obama, he’s got cool logos.

–New York Ad Agency, Midtown

Posted on July 1, 2008
Compliments, Coworkers, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, Politics, Questions

A Lonely, Malnourished, Mooing Chicken

Woman #1: So I got this veal thing while I was there.
Woman #2: What’s veal?
Woman #1: It’s like fake chicken.

–44th & 9th

Posted on July 1, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Women

And I’m Looking for a Guy with His Own Plants to Water

Woman: So what did you do?
Gay man: I put my pants back on and left the apartment -he was just a house sitter!

–53rd St & 9th Ave

Posted on July 1, 2008
Clothing, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Women

In That Case I’d Recommend Less Wrist

(older woman flailing her arms around while speaking to younger woman she is dining with)
Waitress: Yes, did you need something?
Older woman: Oh, no! I was just doing an imitation of ferocious wolves in the wild.
Waitress: Oh, okay.

–French Restaurant, Spring St

Posted on July 1, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Waitresses, Weirdness, Women

Questions