Girl #1: She yelled at me for being a stalker!
Girl #2: Why? What did you do?
Girl #1: I was following him with my eyes.
Girl #2: Oh! That’s not so bad. It’s not like you were actually following him, like… With your feet.
Girl #3: Or your vagina.
–Wagner College
Distraught lady: [Sighs] I had the worst night last night.
Suit: What happened?
Distraught lady: [Sighs again, loudly] The kids. Tommy* just wouldn’t stop crying. He was bawling all night.
Suit: Why?
Distraught lady: He kept saying he wanted to go home! He wouldn’t be happy until we were home! So I said, *Tommy, you are home, what do you mean? Explain what you mean by “home.” and then he said he meant home with Isabel, Xander, and Rosa. The nanny!
Suit: Oh my god! So where are they now?
Lady: Out with the nanny, I couldn’t handle them right now.
–Laight St & Hudson
Overheard by: KidUgly
Little boy: Dad, can I get a sucker?
Dad: No.
Little boy: Please dad? Why not?
Dad: Suckers are for girls.
–Target Shopping Center
Overheard by: Alaina
Boy #1: So how does your vagina feel today?
Boy #2: A little bit chafy.
–Staten Island
20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.
–N Train Platform, 34th St Station
Overheard by: Regina
[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chockita
Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.
–Theater, St Marks Place
Overheard by: fhqwhgads
Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.
–Bard High School Early College
Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].
–Columbus Circle
Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!
–14th & 6th
Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash
Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!
–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.
–LIRR
High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]
–#1 Train
Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.
–42nd St
Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.
–Q train, to 57th st
Overheard by: LoRna
Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.
–Union Square
Overheard by: UCB
Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there… Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don’t know, I’d have to like take a peek.
Guido: You mean you’d look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn’t be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just… You know… Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you’ll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe’s dead body?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wet willy
Brooklyn family court employee: What’s your daughter’s name?
Mother: Chicago.
Brooklyn family court employee: Like the state?
Mother: Yes.
–Brooklyn Family Court
Dude #1: So how’s the child prodigy?
Dude #2: Pretty good… He’s starting to roll over now.
Dude #1: Does he fart?
Dude #2: Ohhhh yeah… He does a lot of that.
–N 6th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Dumb teen girl #1: So how did they “almost have sex”?
Dumb teen girl #2: Haha, she said “His dick was like -in my vagina… Except we had clothes on”.
Dumb teen girl #1: That’s called dry humping. We did that in like – seventh grade!
Dumb teen girl #2: I know.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Lasar
