Wednesday One-Liners Aren't That Kind Of Streetwalker

Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter.

–Herald Square

Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win?

–E Houston & Ave D

Overheard by: haha

Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk!

–Herald Square

Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.

–7th & 23rd

Overheard by: Stormy

Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car!

–Fordham & Hoffman

Overheard by: sromeo

Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on September 29, 2015
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Babies, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Girls, Guys, Lower Manhattan, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.

–2 Train

Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Virginia

Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!

–Across from Spamalot Theatre

Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!

–Natural History Museum

(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!

–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park

Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: JPM

Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.

–F Train

Overheard by: JB

Posted on September 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Death, Gender issues, Girls, Homeless, Jews, Kids, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Museum of Natural History, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wishes & desires, Women

See My “I'm a Dick” Cufflinks?

High school teen: Excuse me, do you know where the F train is?
Rich suit: Yeah…you can probably tell that I don't take the subway.

–Union Square

Overheard by: you're probably sleazy too

Posted on September 24, 2015
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Assholes, Default, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Rich people, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village

No, Seriously– I’m Doing the Column Now.

Loud girl #1: So, are you going to tell Eric*?
Loud girl #2: It was a dance.
Loud girl #1: And a kiss.
Jamaican man, who has overheard: Oh. Oh, that’s cold. You ain’t gonna tell him?
Loud girl #2: I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me.
Jamaican man: This gon’ get ugly, you hear me?
Loud girl #2: Fine! I’ll tell him! Then you’ll see ugly.
Jamaican man: Jus’ call me Dear Abby.

–Elevator, Brooklyn

Posted on September 24, 2015
Brooklyn, Dancing, Default, Elevators, Foreigners, Girls, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Nicknames & name calling, Questions

Also “Burn Things”

Young man, about entirely light-blue painting behind glass: What is this? What the heck is this, anyway?
Mother: It’s saying something.
Young man: What’s it saying?
Mother: It’s saying, ‘I’m an extra mirror. I’m here if you need me.’

–Contemporary Art section, MoMA

Posted on September 22, 2015
Guys, Moms, Museums, Questions, Visual Art

Get It All Out Before 2006

MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
Girl: Crysturbate!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate!

–Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Overheard by: Athena

Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry!

–Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street

Posted on September 22, 2015
Masturbation, Offers and requests, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Words

Singing “You Catholic Girls Start Much Too Late”?

Jersey teen on class trip: I wonder if they've got Billy Joel here.
Friend: Dude, isn't he some preacher in Texas?

–Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame Annex, Mercer St

Overheard by: stillrockn'rolltome

Posted on September 22, 2015
B & T, Friends, More museums, Music, Questions, Religion, Teens, The Village

Mom: Enjoy the Army, Sweetie

High school kid: I’m thinking of staying in the city for school.
Friend: Really?
High school kid: Yeah, I kinda want to stay in my apartment.
Friend: Oh, I thought it would be to party or something. Why would you want to live at home?
High school kid: Oh, don’t worry, I’m going to kick my mom out first.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: courtney

Posted on September 20, 2015
Boys, Default, Friends, Home, Sweet Home, Parents, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Teens, Wishes & desires

The Judges Savaged His Last Performance

Four-year-old girl on tricycle: Why don’t you make more babies?
Yuppie mother: Because Daddy made you and your brother, and he thinks he did a pretty good job.
Four-year-old girl: But Mommy, do you want to make more babies?
Yuppie mother: Well, it takes two to tango!
Yuppie father: [Silence.]

–23rd & 8th

Posted on September 19, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Default, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Questions, Yuppies

Questions