South Asian guy: You have a black friend?
South Asian girl: Yeah.
South Asian guy: Wow, I have a black friend too!
South Asian girl: Ah, well, mine is actually really nice!
–102nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Flyin' Thing
South Asian guy: You have a black friend?
South Asian girl: Yeah.
South Asian guy: Wow, I have a black friend too!
South Asian girl: Ah, well, mine is actually really nice!
–102nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Flyin' Thing
Meathead #1: Dude, you saw Mitzo was found “Not Guilty” of child molestation, right?
Meathead #2: Yeah I did. Have you talked to him?
Meathead #1: Yeah, we were doing high-fives over some little girl’s back while we sodomized her.
–Victor’s Gym, Sherman Avenue
Overheard by: jermaine propane
Asian girl to friends: What I need is to find a banker.
(Asian banker walks by)
Asian girl: Hey, you. Are you a banker?
Asian banker: Why don't you wait 5 years, lose 10 pounds, and then give me a call?
–N Train
Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!
–Outside 145th subway station
Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!
–45th & 8th
College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: silvver
Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!
–72nd and Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vincent
Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?
–Bergen and Smith
Gay Asian man: Sorry I sound like a drag queen today.
Girl: Are you sick?
Gay Asian man: Oh no, it's hangover voice.
–FIT
Overheard by: Rins
Girl: So I’m saying… Would you murder my pussy?
Guy: Hell nah.
Girl: Why not?
Guy, laughing: I’ll end up in jail, ma.
Girl: What?
Guy: You can’t handle me, trust. My dick is deadly. It will kill you and your pussy.
–Brooklyn
(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window!
–2 Train
College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I've eaten all day!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus
Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can't wait to see the dinosaurs!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Miss Guided
Hippie girl: Yeah, I don't know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!
–39th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Natalie
Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.
–St. Mark's & 3rd
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don't etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!
–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Danielle
Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I'd be a dinosaur right beside you.
–W 80th & Amsterdam
Boat PA: Ladies and gentlemen on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the benches. If you fall overboard, you will die in this frigid, freezing water. Thank you, and enjoy your visit to Ellis island.
–Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: land lubber
Urban sophisticate: Steve Irwin’s death was random. That stingray did not know where his heart was!
–Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Opera Onlooker
Male suit to woman suit: So, hopefully you’re not the angel of death… Are you?
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: S&B
Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pretty sure I’m invincible and can’t die.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: Justin
Woman on cell: My trip went really well, except for Marilyn’s* death and all.
–52nd St & Madison
Overheard by: kinicke
50-something professor: So, then the little girl goes back up into her room where she is reading bible verses while everyone else is in church. Then, she either dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills herself. We just don’t know.
–Barnard College
Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…
–Hudson River Park
Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?
–F Train
Overheard by: Elise
Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Megan
Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Josh
Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!
–77th & 34th
