HS guy: He’s just so irritatingly flamboyant. The first day of class I didn’t want to sit in the front row. I was afraid he’d burst into flames.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
HS guy: He’s just so irritatingly flamboyant. The first day of class I didn’t want to sit in the front row. I was afraid he’d burst into flames.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!
–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island
Large drunk tattooed man: So wha’s your story? You in school?
Kid next to him: Yes …
Large drunk tattooed man: Never went to school. Know why? Cuz I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: There you go again, sweetie. [apologetically] He means manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: No, I do not, bitch! I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: Honey, the doctor told you you’re manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: I’m schizophrenic, bitch! I see shit! I hear shit talk to me! I get pills! I don’t take ’em, but I get ’em! I! Am! Schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: I am so tired of this argument …
–G Train
Overheard by: I really WOULDN’T argue such a point
Young teenage boy to friend: Man, I fuckin' hate this job. I'd make more money bein' a drug dealer or somethin'.
Hobo: I used to think the same way as you.
Young teenage boy's friend: So you became a drug dealer and ruined your life?
Hobo: No, I fuckin' went to college and ruined my life.
–1 Train
Barnard girl: Yeah, so I'm minoring in African dance…
Guy: Oh.
Barnard girl: And homemaking. You know, knitting an crocheting and stuff…
Guy: Ohh…
Barnard girl: But my major is man-hating. Hardcore man-hating.
Guy: (silence)
Barnard girl: Just kidding. Math. I'm majoring in math.
–Starbucks, 113th & Broadway
Crackhead #1: At the time I was going to school to become a peer educator…
Crackhead #2: Uh-huh.
–103rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jonesy
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
High school kid #1: Why are you in chemistry?
High school kid #2: So I can learn what is in medicine. It is much more important than physics.
High school kid #1: No, I know how piss is made in the body. That's all physics. I know how piss is made, because of physics. And you don't.
–E Train
College guy: You could always just become a prostitute.
College girl: That's exactly what I want to do with my degree. I've always wanted to be a whore.
–47th St
Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.
–West Village
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.
–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise
Overheard by: Trixie
Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!
–Bobst Library, NYU
Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.
–Trump Towers
