9th grade girl #1: Yo, this shit is mad boring. This school's a damn waste of ma time. Plus, it's grimy and nasty, all the girls have that thing that begins with a “c,” what's it called?
9th grade girl #2: Cooties?
9th grade girl #1: Nah.
9th grade girl #2: Chlamydia?
9th grade girl #1: Yeah, that's it! That shit is annoying.
–M86 Bus
Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: Eggmen7
Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!
–Mulberry & Spring
Overheard by: Erica L.
Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.
–45th b/w 6th & 7th
Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.
–35th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jeggy
Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?
–Hoffman St & E 187th St
Overheard by: Lucy
Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
American history professor: One of the Southern patriots even drafted a proposal to free several hundred slaves and form an army regiment with them in the revolution.
Student: Did it happen?
American history professor: Well he handed it in, but Washington took one look at it and was like “psssssssh, fuck no!”
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: kiss martha with that mouth?
Girl: Hey, are you going to the Anarchy Club meeting at 5 pm today?
Boy: I'd love to plan a revolution but I have a lot of work to do.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!
–A Train, Grand Central
Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chadwick
50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!
–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lea
Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.
–Prince & Sullivan
Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.
–Q27 Bus
Overheard by: hey! i go there …
Ghetto guy on cell: And then he asked me if he was gonna go to heaven and I said, "You ain't going to heaven, you are going to thug mansion!"
–125th St & Amsterdam
Thugette to thug: I killed him because he was bothering me.
–Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Robert G
Pretty thug in white polo (very loudly): Yo, I need to get a scale to weigh some drugs.
–Ditmars & 25th, Astoria
Thug to friend: You can't pull off the lumberjack look. You ain't the fuckin Brawny man!
–Jamba Juice, Times Square
Big thug on cell (angrily): All I'm saying is you'd *better* get your master's degree, or else!
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: Ladle
Black lady #1: A rash, I got a rash! On my thing–my thing was little, they done made it big! And that shit is traveling, I don't know what the fuck I gonna do.
Black lady #2 (watching soap opera on tv): Expelled?
Black lady #1: What the fuck is that?
Black lady #2: He's expelled, that means he can't come to school no more.
–Waiting Room, North General Hospital
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Park Slope mom: What did you do in science class today?
Five-year-old girl: You do not want to know.
–F Train
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Well-dressed balding father: I could honestly care less.
Shaggy haired teen: You're my father! You're supposed to care if I'm failing out of school and doing drugs!
Well-dressed balding father: Nope, not interested.
Shaggy haired teen: You have to care! I can't believe this shit!
–Bleeker & Broadway
Girl: So, our assignment was to bring in something “beautiful” for art class.
Friend: Uh huh.
Girl: And I brought in a picture of the sunset. But this other girl brought in trash and the teacher loved it! And I was like, thinking trash is beautiful was a new idea like ten years ago, you know?
Friend: Actually, not really.
Girl: Oh, well, like ten years ago someone tried to start this thing where trash was pretty, but like, no one is still doing that!
–1 Train
