Hammered 20-year-old, screaming: Yo, I fucked my boss! Yo, I fucked my boss! You ever fuck your boss? [Points to friend] He had to fuck some fat chick and I got my dick sucked all night by my boss! Yo, and she’s, like, 30. [Starts humping pole] She was like, ‘Uhhh, Jim*, give it to me! Fuck me harder!’
He falls on the floor, rolling around with more manic laughter.
Friend: Yo, shut up. I gotta take this train when I’m sober.
–G train
Overheard by: Please don’t look
Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Danial
Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!
–27th St & 10th Ave
Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!
–V Train
Overheard by: Ryan P.
Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.
–L Train
Overheard by: Julia
Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?
–6 Train
Overheard by: You tell me
Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.
–Columbia University
Guy: It’s just that, well, fucking you didn’t live up to my fantasy of fucking you.
Girl, after long pause: Yeah, I guess I can understand that…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Devin
Skinny white guy: I’m like, really excited for that Israel parade. Like, I think it will be a really nice experience for me.
Jewish girl: Mmhmm.
Skinny white guy: No, I’m serious. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just saying it to get into your pants.
–Penn Station
Teenage girl #1: I'm bored.
Teenage girl #2: No, I will not have sex with you now.
–N Train
Overheard by: eri
Two hobos are having a quarrel.
Bum: No, no, man, we can’t fuck each other; we gotta find two women to fuck!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Sorostitute #1: … And I was like, ‘Uhhh!’ And she was like ‘Uhhh!’ And of course he wanted to come back to the apartment.
Sorostitute #2: Oh my god, I know!
–7th & 1st, East Village
Little girl: Ew, sex, gross!
Mother: Sex isn’t gross. It’s natural and it can be a very beautiful thing.
Little girl: You wouldn’t say that if you heard what Eleanor told me.
–N train
Overheard by: Tom Brigham
High school girl #1: I think they give them a class on it.
High school girl #2: Called what? How to be a complete asshole and sleep with all of your girlfriend’s friends?
–Dalton School, Upper East Side
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
