Suit #1: I get turned on when the person I’m with is enjoying herself and I’m giving pleasure.
Suit #2: That’s the difference between you and a necrophiliac.
–Hatsuhana Park restaurant, 46th & Park
Suit #1: I get turned on when the person I’m with is enjoying herself and I’m giving pleasure.
Suit #2: That’s the difference between you and a necrophiliac.
–Hatsuhana Park restaurant, 46th & Park
HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!
–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island
Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.
–Elephant & Castle, West Village
Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sloane
Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn’t have sex with him, he’d break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don’t understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.
–43rd & 7th
Suit #1: We’ve gone through your wallet several times. You’ve got a condom in there from 1945. Come on.
Suit #2: I go bareback, brother. Do you really wanna hear about my sex life?
–Midtown office
Woman, earnestly: It's in. It's in.
Man, brightly: It's in!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
College boy: Why was sex always a problem between us?
College girl: Well, some people think that sex is negotiable. I don't.
–F Train
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind.
–Starbucks, UES
