Mother to friend: So, I had a hot flash the other day, and I was like, ‘Oh my god! Am I going through menopause?’ and–
Son: –Mom! What does ‘menopause’ mean? [Mother ignores him.] If you don’t tell me, I’ll yell it in public until you do!
–Starbucks
Mother to friend: So, I had a hot flash the other day, and I was like, ‘Oh my god! Am I going through menopause?’ and–
Son: –Mom! What does ‘menopause’ mean? [Mother ignores him.] If you don’t tell me, I’ll yell it in public until you do!
–Starbucks
Junkie: Dude, I just gave that guy in Starbucks 50 bucks, I think… by accident.
Prep friend: We didn’t even go into Starbucks.
Junkie: What? Did I just give you 50 bucks?
–Outside Starbucks
Overheard by: sam
Woman #1: So, he takes me to see Eragon, and then he walks me to my door and he’s like, ‘Can I come up?’ And I’m all like, ‘No way,’ and he’s like, ‘Why not?’ And I’m like, ‘ ‘Cause you had sex with my sister, you asshole!’ Can you believe that?!
Woman #2: Why did you even go out with him?
Woman #1: I like dragons.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: i like dragons too
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Queer: And my boyfriend like, totally, oh my god, reached across the table… Like, across the table and strangled me. I seriously couldn’t breathe. Like, he strangled me. Here, put down your coffee, he did this [reaches across table and strangles ghetto black man]. Isn’t that crazy? Like, what the fuck would you do?
Ghetto black man: Poop.
–Starbucks, 16th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erica
Herbal tea guy: Dude, caffeine is like, bad for you. It’s like a drug.
Espresso guy: Dude, it is a drug.
Herbal tea guy: Then you should stop ragging on people for doing coke.
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Jewish guy #1: See if you can buy that broken cookie for a good deal.
Jewish guy #1 and #2 at same time: Fifty cents, yeah!
Jewish guy #3: That’s why we run the world.
All three: Yeah!
–Starbucks, 60th & 1st Ave
Overheard by: jeremy
Stoner dude #1: Dude, I wonder why they call it ‘Starbucks…’ It’s not, like, in the shape of a star.
Stoner dude #2: I don’t know. Let’s leave and get stoned.
Stoner dude #1: I’m up for that.
–Starbucks
Headline by: nicole
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Get Me Started On the PuPu Platter” – Dank
· “As heard on the floor of the United States House of Representatives” – Syd O
· “Because ‘Queequeg’s’ Just Didn’t Have The Right Ring To It” – Toon
· “But I’m still waiting for my Mary Jane Macchiato” – Jim C.
· “English Majors in Action” – ed
· “Star-glazing” – timmm
· “Stephen Hawking and Stephen Jay Gould: The Early Years” – Russ Wall
· “That Ahab could have used a spliff” – Kevin
· “The coffee’s for my glaucoma, I swear.” – Dave
Hispanic male hospital worker: You know what women hate? When men take forever and a day to finish. Let’s say the average woman likes five minutes of sex, but he keeps going and going and thirty minutes later she’s thinking, ‘Hey, let’s watch TV.’
Indian virgin hospital worker: We only like it for five minutes?
–Starbucks, 17th & 1st
Girl #1: Ha ha ha. Who said that? Stewie Griffin, right?
Girl #2: No, Kim Jong-il! Oh my god!
Girl #1: I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.
–Starbucks, W 41st
