Dude #1: Yeah, man. Not cool.
Dude #2: Dude, why do I always have to be fuckin’ the girl everyone hates?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: good question
Dude #1: Yeah, man. Not cool.
Dude #2: Dude, why do I always have to be fuckin’ the girl everyone hates?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: good question
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are maternity clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Maternity Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There isn’t going to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that!
–Macy’s
Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"
–Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: The City Planner
Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?
–1st Ave & 6th St
Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BPV
Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."
–96th & Columbus Ave
Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!
–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Raven
10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: dogboy
Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!
–57th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagsalot
Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend
Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.
–120th & Broadway
Hipster dude: Do you guys carry any men’s shoes?
Salesgirl: Yes, they’re on the wall behind you.
Hipster dude: Do you have any straight guy shoes?
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.
–Sephora, Times Square
PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.
–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th
Overheard by: Rebecca
Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!
–Baggage Claim, JFK
Overheard by: Kimmie
Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!
–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Stacy
Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.
–Stuyvesant High School
Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.
–East Side Community High School
White male customer: I want a small black coffee.
East Indian female cashier: Do you want cream and sugar in that?
White male customer: No, I want it black.
East Indian female cashier: Black?
White male customer, pointing at picture of black man in ad on the wall: Yes, black! I want it to look like that guy!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 53rd & Lex
Overheard by: next in line
Screaming deranged lesbian to gay leathermen: Who's the titty toucher?
(bewildered looks all around, then a gay leatherman sheepishly raises hand)
Screaming deranged lesbian: Here's a 10% coupon! Thanks for the titty grope!
–The Leatherman Store
