Male Fordham student: I think I witnessed a girl getting bad news about either being pregnant or getting STDs!
Female Fordham student: How do you know?!
Male Fordham student: Because she was on the phone and I heard her say “wait, that's not possible, how could the results come back as that?”
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Student, reading incorrectly from The Scarlet Letter: “Gorgeous luxuriance of fantasy…”
English teacher: “Fancy.”
Student: “Fancy.” I can't read.
English teacher: I know.
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Biology teacher: So guys, we're going to go over the stuff I didn't get to yesterday.
Student: Mr. Jones*, you're too good of a teacher to have missed anything. There's nothing left to cover.
Biology teacher: We'll continue as soon as Thomas* takes his lips off my butt.
–Stuyvesant High School
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
Hispanic girl on phone: I'm in the Heights, looking at clothes…of course they're slutty, that's all we wear.
–St Nicholas Ave b/w 181 & 182 St
Overheard by: Linda Rhodes
Friend to scantily clad girl adjusting extremely low-cut shirt: Why are you even wearing a shirt?
–NYU
Flamboyant black man: Girl, I can see yo' pussy, yo' pants are too tight!
–14th St
Blonde: I'm just going to put a thong and a mini skirt on him, and he'll entertain us.
–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Freshman NYU student during welcome week: I can't wait to get some slutty clothes…so I can fit in.
–Outside NYU's Kimmel Center
20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive!
–55th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me.
–NYU
Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god.
–NYU Computer Lab
Overheard by: meli$$a
Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed?
–5th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz
Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too.
–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Suze V
Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter!
–Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab
Overheard by: Steve
Columbia freshman: Mwahaha…I love contextual references.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: not studying…
Guy to friends: God, why doesn't Columbia have a freakin' umbrella over it?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: dripping wet
Columbia student to another: I didn't mean to get drunk last night, but I stopped by a liquor store on the way home.
–Columbia University
Columbia student to friend: Do you want to go frolic in Westside Market?
–110th & Broadway
Female Columbia student to male Columbia student, smacking him with foam covered bat: Sometimes I feel like we belong in a state school.
–Columbia Dorm
Student #1: Well, one reason that we see a lot of tongues in Japanese monster culture might be because of an inherent aversion to bodily fluids! Like I heard Japanese people take showers before and after sex.
Student #2: Plus, in Hentai there's always way more fluids in the sex scenes than there really should be.
Student #3: Besides, there's a lot of tongue use in sex.
Professor: Well, why do you suppose that is?
Student #3: Because you like, lick stuff! Jeez!
–East Asian Studies Class, Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Student: It's gonna be Halloween, aren't you worried about the Bloods' initiation?
Teacher: Nah. I'm good, my neighborhood's Crips.
–Brooklyn Public School
Overheard by: trinity
