Teacher: Which race of people were counted as 3/5 of a person during the 1850s in the South?
Student: Midgets.
–Williamsburg High School
Teacher: Which race of people were counted as 3/5 of a person during the 1850s in the South?
Student: Midgets.
–Williamsburg High School
Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May…
–N train
Overheard by: Olga Kogan
Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?
–Q Train
Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.
–Liberty Park
Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.
–Queens
Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.
–Broadway
Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Lex
Conductor #1: This is a J train all the way to Coney Island. Stand clear of the closing doors.
Conductor #2: What?
Conductor #1: What?
Conductor #2: Dude.
Conductor #1: J train to Jamaica!
Conductor #2: Dude.
–Jamaica-bound J train
Overheard by: bdogg
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
Girl #1: What’s the plural of “panini”?
Girl #2: It’s just “panini” … Like goose.
–28th & 2nd
Chick: Wait, you don’t take credit cards?
Street vendor: Yeah, I got a machine right here in my arm.
–Whitehall & Bridge
Woman on cell: I’m here now, where are you?
Man on cell: Right in front of you.
–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
Girl #1: …I mean, I can think of plenty better reasons why I shouldn’t date him than the fact that we’re semi-related.
Girl #2: …Um, I don’t think a better reason exists than that one.
Girl #1: You are really turning it into something that it’s not. the key word here is “semi”.
Girl #2: No! The key word here is “related“!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station
