Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Fannypacks and Re-fold Their Maps

Hyper tourist to friend: Wow! A shoe repair shop? Can we go? Please? Come on, don't you have some shoes you want shined?

–74th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

Enlightened tourist: Oh! So Broadway's not just one place? It's a series of buildings? Oh, I see!

–46th & Broadway

Tourist woman walking off Brooklyn Bridge: Wow, look at how nice this is! I can't believe we paid only $24 for it!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: D-Law

Tourist to another: There are so many yellow cars in New York City.

–42nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lisa

Tourist: Not until high school did I know buses could make turns!

–E Train

Overheard by: Probably had to repeat a few grades

Tourist exiting subway: Did anyone lose a pass? Because I just found one.

–103rd & Broadway

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liner.

Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: liat

Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bex

Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?

–145th & Broadway

Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sean

Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!

–West Village

Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Ass, BJs, Black People, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, White People, Women, Words

All Of a Sudden, I'm Oddly Aroused.

Blonde #1, playing Mad Libs on train: Okay, give me an adverb.
Blonde #2: Wait, which one is that? I always get that confused with adjectives, or whatever.
Blonde #1: Adjectives describe things. Like saying a guy is hot, or something. Adverbs describe like, actions and stuff. Okay? So, gimme an adverb.
Blonde #2: Vibration. Does that count?
Blonde #3: Well, let's put “vibratorily.”

–Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Highly Entertained

Posted on September 1, 2009
Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Words

–Penn Station

Posted on August 30, 2009
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Men, Penn Station, Stupidity, Threats, Women

You're Not Homeschooling, Are You?

Girl: But you got kids!
Guy: No, I don't. I got a kid.
Girl: That's the same thing!
Guy: No it ain't! “kids” is with a “z.”

–Graham Ave & Broadway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on August 30, 2009
Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Kids, Parents, Stupidity, Words

I Mean, That's Something You Learn In, Like, Kindergarten

Diva #1: So I am not sure what to do about her.
Diva #2: What's her birthday?
Diva #1: I don't know, sometime in June.
Diva #2: Oh oh oh! Hold up, she is a Gemini!
Diva #1: Yeah, she is.
Diva #2: You never trust a Gemini. I never trust 'em. Girl, I can't believe that you trusted a Gemini.

–L Train

Posted on August 29, 2009
Birthdays, Girls, Idiots, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

And, Also, That I Be White.

Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat.

–1 Train

Overheard by: well good luck to you

Posted on August 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Family Ties, Friends, Languages, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Wishes & desires

Well, One Could.

Sassy black tourist girl: Excuse me, you seen an ATM?
Security guard: (silence)
Sassy black tourist girl: I said, any of y'all seen an ATM?
Woman using ATM: Um, these are ATMs.
Sassy black tourist girl: Oh shoot, you could get money outta that?

–Chase, Broadway & Spring

Posted on August 28, 2009
Bank, Black People, Money & Class, Questions, Security Guards, Soho, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

The Best Part Is, They Do This Every Damn Day

Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What is that?
Tall blonde guy: Thanks for ruining it! You're supposed to say “what's updog?” and I'd be like “nothing much, man, you?”
Blonde girl: Alright, let's start over. Pretend we just ran into each other or something.
Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What's “updog”?
Tall blonde guy: Nothing much man, you?

–F Train

Posted on August 27, 2009
Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners: Soon to Be Gentrified

Ghetto woman on cell: No, no… he ain't ghetto. He ghetto fabulous.

–28th & Lexington

Ditzy tourist: Did you know that, like, all the trains with numbers go to all the rich places and all the trains with letters, like, go to the ghetto areas.

–6 Train

Loud guy: Is that a 50 cent soda? You know you in the ghetto when you got a 50 cent soda.

–Jackson Heights

Woman on cell: That bitch is mad ghetto. She wore her wedding dress to work.

–Lenox & 118th St

Overheard by: K

Posted on August 26, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Drinks, Ghetto Chicks, Gossip, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Marriage, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Stupidity