Teen #1: I'm a thug.
Teen #2: You ain't a thug. You got one minute to tell me why you a thug.
Teen #1, stammering: One, um, once an old lady asked me for some change at the bus stop and I slapped her.
Teen #2: That makes you a pussy, not a thug, nigga. 50 seconds…
–Bx8 Bus
Teacher: You have to know this or else it looks like your going to summer school.
Student #1: Summer school?
Student #2: Summer school. It ain't so bad, I'll be there. There's a pool next to it.
–PS 7
Indian guy: No homo!
Black guy: Man, “no homo” is wrong. That's like a white person saying, “yo, word up?” and a black guy saying, “no negro!” (pause) Shit's fucked up.
–Columbia University
Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.
–Fox News Breakroom
Overheard by: CreateEvity
College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?
Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.
–123rd & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!
–Lafayette & White
Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine
Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?
–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Stressed woman, on the verge of tears: She thinks because she's fourteen she can come home whenever she wants and treat me however she wants!
Male friend: Kids are young, dumb, and full of cum!
Stressed woman: True, dat.
–E Train
Overheard by: Luis
Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright.
–Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd
Overheard by: wax
British teen: My god, Americans are so stupid. And they're everywhere.
British mom: Oh, darling… I know, bloody morons. So stupid.
(a block later)
British teen: Mum, where's the Empire State Building?
British mom: Oh honey, that's in Chicago.
–7th and 48th
Five year old to dad: Look, dad, we're going over the bridge!
Dad to five-year-old son, in admonishing tone: Remember? It's not a bridge; it's a viaduct.
–F Train
Overheard by: 27 year old who thought it was a bridge, too
Girl #1: So, my boyfriend's joining the Navy, but I don't want him up in the sky!
Girl #2: The Navy's underground, stupid.
–Marymount Manhattan College Library
Burnout #1: Yo, is the Dove company that makes chocolate the same Dove company that makes like lotion?
Burnout #2: Man, what are you talking about?
Burnout #1: I'm just wondering. I was eating Dove chocolate the other day and it said it was “extra creamy.” I'm just…ya know…what kind of cream you think they use?
–E Train
Overheard by: Moisturized Chocolate Lover
