Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Decide Which Coldplay Lyric to Put in Their Profiles

Teen girl: Wow! I just realized I haven’t been online all day!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Different Generation

Middle-aged woman: 50% of the population is allergic to wheat. They just don’t know it. It’s true– I read it on the internet.

–Port Authority

Guy: You should start a fight with her on MySpace.

–75th & Amsterdam

Guy: I’m pretty sure my cat has Down’s syndrome…You can read about it on my MySpace blog.

–Spice, Chelsea

Overheard by: DJR

Thug: MySpace is like crack, yo. I’m addicted to that shit.

–F train

Overheard by: Laurence Lau

Girl: Google is, like, totally taking over the world!

–Terminal 4, JFK

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl on cell: We need, like, a slutty web-designer friend we can bring in on this.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Buttons

Scruffy dude: I should just bring her a bunch of photos of my ex-girlfriend and slam them down and be like, “Find one, just one of these, that you’re hotter than.” I can’t believe she wouldn’t give me her e-mail address. She must be out of her mind. I mean, just give me a fake one. Like, something at hotmail.com. Anything!

–54th & 10th

Overheard by: Waiting for The Colbert Report

Guy wearing t-shirt that says “You are so off my buddy list”: So I am thinking about creating another website that’s Jedi-friendly.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Palmala Handerson

Posted on August 9, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Google, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, JFK Airport, Music, Penn Station, Port Authority, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners Hang the Cross Upside Down

Girl: It smells like blasphemy!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: I only smelled mulch

Tattooed chick: It’s Christa. You remember, Christ with an A, because I’m so fucking godlike.

–8th & A

Overheard by: Meredith

Guy: She looks like the female version of Dave, which is a bit disconcerting to me…He looks like traditional representations of Jesus.

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Guy: Me and Jesus don’t get along.

–W 30th, between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Maggie

Femme on cell: So, like, our periods stopped at the same time for two hours so we could have sex and I was like, God loves me. Jesus was clearly gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Middle-Aged lady: Yeah, you can’t go switchin’ churches like that. That’s too many different spirits. You’ll be dealin’ with demons and stuff.

–F train

Overheard by: Yanni

College guy: No, really, dude. The guy’s a full-time, licensed exorcist!

–W 4th St A/C/E uptown platform

Overheard by: EJ

Muscular dude: I am devoted to crack but not to Christ! Please explain that to me. I’m a good crackhead, but I ain’t a good Christian!

–Downtown 1 train

Street vendor: NYU students, you gotta love them. They be going through hell and jumping out of windows and shit.

–Spring & Broadway

Posted on August 9, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Jesus, Names, Religion, Scents of the City, Sex, Stupidity, Suicide, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Black and White and Read All Over

White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Casey

Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis.

–St. Mark’s

Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: aq

Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts!

–117th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was!

–Uptown 5 train

Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: Gwen

Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person.

–N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens

Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black!

–Jamba Juice, University Place

Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?

–21st & 6th

Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks.

–Orchard & Houston

Overheard by: white folk

Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black.

–Upper West Side

Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes?

–Wendy’s, W 34th St

JAP: I hate being white!

–66th & Broadway

White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority.

–Chinatown

White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life.

–Penn Station

Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga!

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate

Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!

–Times Square

Overheard by: bully

Posted on August 9, 2006
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compliments, Food, Friendship, Gripes, Insults, Manhattan, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, Penis, Politics, Psychic, Questions, Race, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Might Be the Only Exciting Thing About Jessica

Queer #1: Whatcha reading?
Queer #2: Jessica Simpson’s suing someone.
Queer #3: Let me see.

Queer #2 passes over a folder.

Queer #1: What? No pictures?
Queer #2: It’s a lawsuit; there are no pictures in a lawsuit.

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 8, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, Celebrities, Lawsuits, Nick Lachey, People, Queer guys, Queers, Stupidity

Alcohol Burns More Than One Thing, Son

Ghetto teen reveals bottle of liquor stashed in plastic bag.

Ghetto teen #1: Yo, that shit burns your esophagus, but it tastes so good.
Ghetto teen #2: Nah, son, alcohol burns your liver.
Ghetto teen #1: No! Your esophagus!
Ghetto teen #2: No, your liver…Wait, is esophagus another word for liver?

–7 train

Posted on August 7, 2006
Drinking & Drunk People, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs

“Now Let’s Go Get Some Raw Fish Wrapped in Seaweed”

Little girl, pointing to an ad depicting peanut butter and banana on
bread: What is that?
Mother, looking at the ad for a moment: It’s sushi.
Little girl: What’s sushi?
Mother: It’s Chinese food…You wouldn’t like it.

–Downtown B train

Headline by: Maniac Moll

Runners-Up:
· “愚かなアメリカ人” – Oog Oog
· “1 Billion Americans Couldn’t be Wrong” – Moze
· “50,000 Elvis Fans Discover They Like Raw Fish” – ED
· “And Why Don’t We Like Chinese Food? That’s Right, ‘Cause They Bombed Pearl Harbour” – Brendan
· “Choosey Moms Choose Eel and Avocodo” – PJ
· “Don’t Tell Me What I Like, You Chink Bitch” – Bevan
· “If You Eat the Wrong Part, You Become a Gorilla” – devin the artist
· “It’s Only Chinese if the Banana Is Small” – Oren K
· “Mommy, it Looks so Much Like Daddy’s Cock Coming Out of Your Asshole.” – Extra Character
· “New Study Finds Confusion Prevents Childhood Obesity” – Booters
· “Technically, Honey, It’s Sashimi” – ED

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 7, 2006
Ethnic Food, Girls, Global Geography, Headline Contest Winners, Idiots, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

Pregnant Romanian Acrobat?

Doorman #1: What if she was a Chinese woman, would you help her?
Doorman #2: Oh, hell no.

–W 77th St

Overheard by: Cole Goadbog

Posted on August 6, 2006
Assholes, Blue-collar workers, Race, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Are Thicker Than Water

Girl: Every time I fart, more blood comes out.

–SoHo

Guy on cell: The blood bank’s coming and they want me to give blood…Naw, I’m like, “I’ll give blood for Yankee tickets.” I’ve done enough for good causes. You know, I gotta hold on to that shit. That’s my blood, man.

–48th & 3rd

Jerseyite: Wait, mosquitoes suck blood?

–Prince & Lafayette

Girl, to guy singing loudly: Shut up, before I take my bloody pad off and smear it on your face! Times seven!

–Village Community School, W 10th St

Overheard by: Keesha Brown