Guy #1: Yeah, I was reading this Jehovah’s Witness pamphlet this morning, and apparently they believe that only 144,000 people will get into heaven. The rest don’t go to hell; they’re just unconscious.
Guy #2: That doesn’t sound so good. You gotta think, out of the 144,000 least sinful people on Earth, most of ’em are going to be ugly. I’d rather be unconscious with the hot chicks.
–Broad St
Overheard by: anotherKnight
Brooklyn guy: All I’m sayin’ is it goes without sayin’.
–Brooklyn bound D train
Overheard by: Robert Barry Francos
Hoochie on cell: I don’t want that. I’m looking for sauce. Sauce sauce sauce sauce sauce! S-A-U-S-C-E. Sauce!
–Waldbaum’s, Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Liz the Overheardista
Teen girl: Do you think Christmas will ever be on Friday the 13th?
–Times Square
Woman in elevator: She said 13…Where’s 13? What the… fuck? There’s no 13. Should I press 12? Or 14? What?…She said 13. Well I’ll just press both.
–22nd & Broadway
Overheard by: staring at the button for 13
Elderly woman, regarding painting: Would you look at the detail he put into this. It almost looks two dimensional.
–The Met
Overheard by: s.gothman
Tween boy: Did the dinosaurs come before or after Bible times?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Omg! He did not just ask that!
Girl: This has sterile in it. I can’t buy this; I’m allergic to sterile.
–Duane Reade, 17th & 3rd
Overheard by: mk
American woman, to Arab cashier: What, you didn’t understand what I said? Man, you illiterate.
–Classon Ave, Brooklyn
Chick: I mean, I wasn’t really mentally thinking about it.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Frat boy: Why do they call it “Steak Shack” when it doesn’t sell steaks?
–Shake Shack, Madison Sq Park
Drunk teen girl, raising her beer: Here’s to independence…and the only country that’s got it!
–Waterside Plaza
Overheard by: David Slone
Teen girl: Rebecca wanted to get brown. But brown is such a black color…Well, not that it’s black. But you know.
–D train
Overheard by: Rachel
Young guy to his girlfriend: Shut your fuckin’ mouth when you’re talking to me!
–Outside of K-mart, Astor Place
Overheard by: snap snap
Man on crowded train: If my mother were here, I’d sit on her lap.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: not his mother
Amateur anthropologist: It’s not incest unless it’s, like, your brother.
–E 72nd
Mom, to teenage son: Darling, sweetie, love of my life, I’ve accepted that you’re gay, haven’t I? And there’s a lot more that I’m willing to accept. But if there is one thing I’m not ok with, it’s flat-ironing my son’s hair. Ask your sister.
–Uptown 6 train
Woman on cell: You did what?…Why the fuck would you do that?…Yeah, I know he’s your cousin, but you didn’t have to tell him that I slept with his brother. I was going to tell him…When?…After we got married!!
–13th & University
Girl, digging through purse: Shit, I think my cousin robbed me.
–Urban Outfitters, Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: intern
Screaming woman: I’m not in your house; I’m in the middle of the street! Stop making fun of my grandmother!
–W 139th St, 2 a.m.
Overheard by: Isha
Girl on cell: I don’t look at him like a father; I look at him like the man who gave birth to me.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Cat
Teenage girl #1: So I was like, “What you goin’ fuckin’ do about it?”
Teenage girl #2: And…What’d he say?
Teenage girl #1: Motherfucker was like, “I’ll take you by Planned Parenthood in the mornin’. You need to get some after-shit.” I looked at him like, “What, motherfucker?!” That ain’t no 7-11 type o’ shit. I don’t want a fuckin’ hot dog. I wanna not be pregnant with your bitch ass kid.
Teenage girl #2: What’d he say?
Teenage girl #1: Nothin’. Bitch better keep his mouth shut.
–F train
Chick #1: Do you have a safety pin?
Chick #2: What’s a safety pin?
Chick #1: Are you serious?
Chick #2: Yeah, I mean, what’s the difference between a safety pin and a paper clip? I know they both hold shit together, but, like, what’s the difference?
–23rd & 1st
Overheard by: Carly
9-year-old girl: Mommy, please can we leave? This doesn’t even make any sense! It’s stupid.
Mommy: Sweetie, it’s not supposed to make sense. It’s senseless art. They’re making fun of real art.
–Dada exhibit, MoMA
Portly dude in Rangers jersey: I’m the best thing to ever happen to Amish country.
–Spanish Consulate, 58th & Lex
Bartender: Yeah, I know him, he’s a professor of social studies at Columbia.
Middle-Aged woman: That’s my school! I think it’s so great that he’s a social worker.
Bartender: Um, he’s a professor of social studies.
Middle-Aged woman: Right, a social worker.
Bartender: No, he’s a professor of social studies. That doesn’t make him a social worker.
Middle-Aged woman: No?
–81st & Amsterdam
Customer: Do you have The Picture of Dorian Gray?
Employee: What is that?
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
