Suit #1: You know why this three day weekend is so great?
Suit #2: Because it’s three days?
Suit #1: No, because the kids will be in school.
Suit #2: They don’t give them Columbus Day?
Suit #1: Nope. I guess because they get off for the Jewlidays.
Suit #2: Must be a Jersey thing.
–Madison between 55th & 56th
Tourist lady, very slowly: Uhhh, can you… Um, excuse me, can you… um, tell me where… that place downtown… I think it’s, ummm…
Lady suit, interrupting: Christ on a crutch! What are you, Canadian or retarded?!
–4 train, Wall St station
Overheard by: Not Canadian
Hustler for the homeless: Give 25 cents to end homelessness. Just 25 cents so America won’t be homeless. Excuse me, sir, do you want to help?
Suit: Nope. I don’t like America.
Hustler for the homeless: Well, have fun with your fucking Russian army, sir.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Spoons
Woman: I really hope that you start doing some shit that’s smart.
–Broadway & Waverly
Businessman: The CEO’s a good ol’ Italian goombah from Bayonne.
–Midtown Office
Woman: Hey, so have you ever tried crack?
–78th & Madison
Overheard by: Andrew C
Black lady: I don’t eat fried food. Grease is the enemy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted fried food all the time. This one day, I left work to go eat some fried fish, and I ate it. And I stayed there. And you know what happened? The grease came up and the fish stayed down.
–Precious Nails, 94th & 3rd
Suit #1 to suit #2: We can do whatever you want today. I just don’t like the stuff you make me do that makes me throw up.
–AJ Maxwell’s, 48th & 6th
Overheard by: their waitress
A well-dressed African-American businessman passes.
Thug #1: He a faggot.
Thug #2: Yo, shut up, man. That faggot got money!
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: Manhattman
Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!
–Astoria
Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.
–M66 Bus
Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?
–31st & Crescent, Astoria
Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!
–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Overheard by: Tom
College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.
–8th St & University
Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Riot
Suit #1: I think we need to sit down with Yolanda, Minetta, Julie […] and tell them, “Look, what happened yesterday can’t happen again. We need to learn more about dispatch. It’s time we had this meeting.”
Suit #2: It’s too late for a meeting.
Suit #1: Right, no, that’s what I’m saying. We don’t need a meeting, we need action.
–N train
Guy: Then I looked down at her and said, ‘Your bleached teeth are burning my dick!’
–Caliente Cab Co., Waverly & Green
Suit to female companion: You’ll stick your tongue up my ass, but you won’t share my toothbrush because of germs?!
–Renaissance Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl on cell: … So then he asked me to leave my toothbrush at his place, and I said no. And then he never called me again! I’m glad I didn’t leave my toothbush there.
–1 train
Overheard by: joe d.
Guy on cell: … So I lost my job, and he brushed my teeth for six months.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Young girl to mother pushing stroller: Oh, right, like I’ve never brushed her hair. Like I’ve never fed her or brushed her teeth. What the hell have you done for her?
–63rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jillian
