Wednesday One-Liners Need an F-Bomb Shelter

Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!

–Union Square Station

Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!

–South Ferry Terminal

Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!

–G Train

Overheard by: lucyruth

Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.

–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: julie f

Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"

–Met Life Building

Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!

–F Train

Overheard by: BLAH

Posted on May 13, 2009
Conductors, Ferry, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Did You Get Here on the SocioPATH Train?

Teen girl: Anna told me you liked me?
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Why didn't you tell me or ask me out?
Teen guy: Well, I was afraid you would say no.
Teen girl: Why don't you ask me now and see what I say?
Teen guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Teen girl: Sorry, no.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Hugh

Posted on May 10, 2009
Dating, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Who Says Keeping Up with the Kardashians Doesn't Have a Moral?

Teen to friend: With big asses come big responsibilities.
Friend: True, true.

–Grand Concourse

Overheard by: Lia

Posted on May 10, 2009
Ass, Friends, Height, Philosophy, Teens, The Bronx

Wednesday One-Liners: Because You're Worth It.

Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions?

–Bathroom, Columbia University

Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!

–87th & Lexington

Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!

–Chat N Chew Restaurant

Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.

–4 Ttrain

Overheard by: Megz

Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.

–5 Train

Posted on May 6, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner

Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter (aka

Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!

–Blake St

Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.

–Central Park

20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…

–Grand & Eldridge

Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)

–41st & 8th

Overheard by: S&B at STJ

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Robbing the Cradle, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Call It a “Job” for Nothin'

Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!

–2nd Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Christian

Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.

–West 72nd Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Will

Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wait, What?

30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.

–Central Park

Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.

–87th & 3rd

Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?

–Times Square

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, BJs, Body Parts, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Store, Street, Students, Teens, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Fully Prepared to Dial 911

Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…

–MoMa

Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jason

Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.

–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television

Overheard by: scarface

Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Lord Almighty

Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.

–St. John's University

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Body Parts, Cell Phone, College, Cops, Dreams, Duane Reade, Family Ties, Insults, JFK Airport, Kids, Library, MoMA, More museums, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Security Guards, Teens, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

When Katie Lost Her Slip-n-Slide Virginity, She Wanted to Shout It from the Rooftops

Teen girl: And then…
Teen guy: Yeah, I know, it gets all slippery.
Teen girl: No! Let me tell you the *details*!

–Brooklyn

Posted on May 5, 2009
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Sex, Teens

Wednesday Has His Cake and Eats One-Liners, Too

Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.

–L Train

Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.

–69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ana

Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.

–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Modern Guilt

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Teens