Little boy #1: You are a penis.
Little boy #2: No, you are a penis.
Nanny: Alright, whoever says that again gets a time-out.
Little boy #1: Whoever says penis?
Nanny: Nevermind.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Little boy #1: You are a penis.
Little boy #2: No, you are a penis.
Nanny: Alright, whoever says that again gets a time-out.
Little boy #1: Whoever says penis?
Nanny: Nevermind.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Comedy club barker: Hey! You guys want to see a comedy show? Yeah, you do!
Guy: I'm sorry, man, I don't speak a word of English. Thanks, though.
Comedy club barker: Haha, I like that! Come see some comedy?
Guy, walking away: All I'm hearing is pops and clicks. Sorry.
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Queer #1, stopping at store window: I don’t know. Should I? Well, actually, can I go in?
Queer #2: Sure you can. They let dogs in. Why can’t you go in with a cigarette?
–The Village
(tiny Asian girl in a striped skirt and high-heeled boots is hauling a suitcase up the stairs from the subway).
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: Girl, you look like Paul Lynde.
–12th St & 7th Ave
Yuppie chick #1: Sarah D. Roosevelt Park! Remember when we bought crack there?
Yuppie chick #2: We didn’t even buy crack. We just smoked it.
–Houston & Chrystie
Rich girl to friend: I couldn’t decide between the Marc Jacobs sweater and the Dior jacket. It was like Sophie’s Choice.
–Outside NYU dorm
Rich lady on phone: Uh-huh, uh-huh, but what if we just put the tennis court where the house was? … Okay, okay, what if we demolish the existing tennis court and make that area the guest house again? Or create a glassed-in structure over the court instead?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: mkp-hearts-nyc
Man lunching with friend: I mean, I never lost a million dollars before.
–55th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: ilegal browser
Dad to child in stroller, passing the park: What? You wanted to go in there? I thought you said you wanted to go to Marc Jacobs.
–Hudston St
Overheard by: Colleen
20-ish girl: Fuck my dad. How selfish can you be? If I want to live on West 11th, then fucking buy the flat on West 11th. Ugh. Sorry. Can I get another dirty martini?
–The Village
WASP lady: She’s not even nouveau riche — she is just nouveau!
–A Voce, 26th & Madison
Girl #1: Well, there's sushi!
Girl #2: But then we'd like…poop fish.
–Broadway & 8th St
Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.
–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th
Overheard by: Pleased
Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!
–Peter McMannus Pub
LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jenna K
NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?
–Waverly & Mercer
Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.
–172nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: So…after she says that, I said, “Who would have ever thought to just cook lettuce?”
Girl: Woooooooooow.
–Bedford Street off Bleecker
NYU boy #1: Dude, let’s go to Delaware. I’ve never been there — I didn’t even know it was a state until the quarter came out.
NYU boy #2: Oh yeah, you told me that. That was like last week.
NYU boy #1: Yeah, man.
–University & Waverly
Overheard by: a girl who’s ashamed to go to NYU sometimes
