Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.

–Nederlander Theatre

Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn

Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on May 20, 2015
Actors, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Free stuff!, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Hook Ups, Jesus, Laundromat, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Street, The Village, Theater, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Books Are Over, Wednesday One-Liner, Deal With It.

Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management.

–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense

German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore!

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: LeLeLe

Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously.

–1 train

Overheard by: Silverhawk

High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot.

–Houston & Green

Overheard by: chedr

Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!"

–D train

Overheard by: tanechka

Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on May 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Beauty, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Magic, Movies, On the Subway, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Note the Freedom Fros

Old tourist woman to daughter, about gangsters shouting slang to each other: Is that French?
Daughter: No… That's Ebonics.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Noah

Posted on May 18, 2015
Girls, Language Barrier, Moms, Old People, Questions, Race, The Village, Tourism, Tourists

Bad Things Happen When You Teach Evolution

Guido #1: Tuna is not made from dolphins, bro.
Guido #2: I’m telling you, tuna fish is made from dolphins.
Guido #1: No way, bro, tuna are not dolphins!
Guido #2: Then what are they?
Guido #1: They’re…chicken of the sea.

–9th St. Path Station

Overheard by: Kevin M

Posted on May 17, 2015
Food, Manhattan, Pop Culture, The Village

You Need Better Time Management Skills

Big black guy on bike: Yeah…it'll be a smokey party.
Skinny black guy: Yo…this school shit is whack–I got an ounce to smoke through, but I've been so busy with school… I mean, yesterday I only smoked three blunts.
Big black guy on bike: Ooooh, son. Ouch.

–Broadway & Washington Place

Overheard by: Sydney m

Posted on May 16, 2015
Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Guys, School and studying, Skinny People, The Village, Weed

Jimmies Give It That Great Flavor

Guy #1: Have you ever had Tasti D-lite? It’s disgusting! It tastes like frozen cum.
Guy #2: Well, it’s not that good.

–7th & Christopher

Overheard by: Gordon

Posted on May 16, 2015
Cum, Food, Friends, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Add a Little Something Extra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: bill R

Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard.

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: and didn’t notice?

Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time…

–96th & CPW

White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!

–113th St

Overheard by: Meister E.

Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already.

–Howard St

Overheard by: havarthe

Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us?

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Posted on May 15, 2015
College, Dads, Default, Food, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, Shea Stadium, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Williamsburg, Women

Taking Anti-Authoritarian a Step Too Far

Skater kid #1: I don’t like this whole “valet” thing, man.
Skater kid #2: You don’t trust them?
Skater kid #1: I DON’T TRUST ANYONE!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Posted on May 15, 2015
Manhattan, Teens, The Village

Translation: “That Bathroom Better Have a Window Big Enough to Fit Me”

Guy to date: Well, when it’s like when I’m on a roadtrip, even if I need to pee, I don’t, I force myself to keep it in, it’s like a control thing. Totally about power. [Date gets up to go to the bathroom.] Hurry back! I want to tell you more!
Date: Yeah, it’s really… Powerful.

–Soup’N’Burger, Broadway & Astor

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on May 15, 2015
Compliments, Dating, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Pee, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Could You Just Stop Duelling with Them?

Little boy #1: You are a penis.
Little boy #2: No, you are a penis.
Nanny: Alright, whoever says that again gets a time-out.
Little boy #1: Whoever says penis?
Nanny: Nevermind.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Posted on May 14, 2015
Default, Kids, Penis, The Village, Women, Words

The Village