Wednesday One-Liners Clutch Their Fannypacks

Tourist: What’s that entrance right over there… Where it says, ‘Exit’?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Ms. Dubs

Man to wife and children: I don’t know why you’re following me! I have no clue where I’m going!

–Rockefeller Center

Drunk male tourist: What time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Southern tourist dad: ‘Papa Yaking’? What in the hell kinda crazy Jewish name is that?

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Manhattman

Fat Southern lady with teal leggings standing beside fat man with large rodeo belt buckle and USS Nimitz hat to security guard: We’re tourists…

–MoMA

Overheard by: Daniel B

Posted on March 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Family Ties, Judaism, Names, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Like “Aloha,” It Can Mean Hi, Goodbye, or I Love You

Female tourist: Look–he just gave the other driver the finger!
Male tourist: Isn't that just like saying “hi” in New York?

–72nd St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Gazoo

Posted on March 6, 2015
Cars and Driving, Insults, Language Barrier, Only in New York, Questions, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Go Back to Elsewhere!

Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.

–Hunt Valley bus

Overheard by: Katie Cheek

Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!

–Morningside Heights

Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann?

–1 train

Overheard by: Matt G

Posted on February 20, 2015
Clothing, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Bus, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Stupidity, Terrorism, Tourism, Tourists

…You Go to New York City for the Gap.

Tourist #1: How about Italian?
Tourist #2: You know there are perfectly good Italian restaurants back home in Wisconsin. You don't go to New York City for the food.

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: John

Posted on February 10, 2015
Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Tourism, Tourists

Manhattan: “Aww, Snaaap!”

Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Outraged Brooklynite

Posted on February 1, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Names, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

–Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

–Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

–Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

–Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Clerks, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Dads, Height, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Pictures, Public Transportation, Queens, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Of Course, Mom! And They’re Excellent Places to Have Sex

Local: Where you do want to go today, Mom?
Tourist mom: I don’t know. A museum?
Local: We always go to a museum when you visit. Let’s try a new one this time. We haven’t been to the Guggenheim. The Museum of Sex is interesting.
Tourist mom: Museum of what? Museum of Sex? They have that here?! Please tell me you don’t go there. Do you go to church these days? Hmmm? Do they have churches in this city?!

–Union Square Park

Posted on January 24, 2015
Advice, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Education, Moms, Parents, Parks, Religion, Talking/Convos, Tourism, Tourists

Cinnabon, Cinnabon Farts, and Hairspray

Tourist #1: Are we in the airport?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #3: It's the train port.
Tourist #1: Is this a mall?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #1: It looks like a mall.
Tourist #2: It's not a mall.
Tourist #1: It smells like a mall.

–Penn Station, LIRR

Overheard by: Ceetar

Posted on January 21, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway

The Coast Guard and I Like to Think Of It As an Elaborate Game Of Monkey in the Middle

Bemused tourist: I can't believe the Coast Guard just rescued that kid's soccer ball.
Kid running by: That's the eighth time he's done that!

–Staten Island Port

Overheard by: tastycanucks

Posted on January 21, 2015
Cops, Kids, Staten Island, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness

Tourism