Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I'll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!
–10th St & 4th Ave
Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I'll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!
–10th St & 4th Ave
College boy #1: But what if zombies overtook Manhattan?
College boy #2: Then we'd be fucked. Simple as that. They're too many people here, the entire island would be zombies.
College boy #1: But what if we hid out in K-mart? With guns?
College boy #2: You mean the K-mart we just passed? Even if we managed to barricade the doors, there's an entrance to the subway, we'd be fucked.
College #1: I wonder what the zombie survival guide has to say about this.
–3rd Ave & St. Mark's
Haggard man wearing NY sweatshirt: Is this New York City?
Bunch of bros: Yeah, it is!
Haggard man wearing NY sweatshirt: This ain't New York City anymore, man. You shoulda been here forty years ago!
–Union Square
Overheard by: jvdubs
Gay guy, angrily looking at woman eating sausages: And that is why I hate lesbians!
–Gay Pride Parade
Man on cell: I went to San Francisco last month to find me a lesbian girlfriend.
–Big Apple BBQ
Overheard by: skibs
Angry lady to another: Why would I have sex with another woman?
–Greenwich Village
Hobo on platform: Men… do not have sex with women! Any man who has sex with a woman should be arrested. Women do not like sex–women are all lesbians!
–7 Train
Crazy hobo to young girls on bench: You girls are a box full of lesbians!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Daphne
20-something guy dressed as Edward Cullen for Halloween: So anyway, I walk in, and they are both sitting there, playing with each other's erections…
–Bedford Ave & Berry St
Overheard by: Marie Miller Barnes
Ginger kid in audience, as photo of awkward Asian teen sticking banana in his mouth is projected on movie screen: I am definitely aroused.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Joggers to another: Raging hard-ons!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Katie
20-something girl to another: How could he not go out with you? I mean, you gave him a boner at Relay For Life!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Becca
Girl: Dave! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?
Dave, completely serious: Who are you?
–St. Mark's Place
Guy: Okay: he's bad, but he's not that bad.
Girl: No, seriously! He's like Miley fucking Cyrus. Fucking annoying, way too into himself, and everywhere. He is the Party in the USA.
Guy: Dude!
–4th Ave & 9th St
Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.
–R Train
Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: melissa
Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.
–Union Square
Overheard by: smoking on the stoop
Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.
–17th St & Broadway
7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: EVB
60-something balding man: I think quitting teaching is the best thing I've ever done.
Wife: Oh, yeah. Good, honey!
60-something balding man: I mean, I fucking hate kids.
–15th St & 1st Ave
