Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trader Joe’s

Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!

–Lobby, the Met

Overheard by: Shayna

Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4th & Christopher St

Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..

Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Only in New York, Bridge & Tunnel Edition

Fratboy: We went to that bar once cause I heard there were lots of skanks in there. But there were no skanks! It sucked.

–outside Blue & Gold, East Village

Wednesday One-liners Are All About Location

Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.

–A train

Overheard by: Clacky

But They Serve Lunch on Pitchforks

Little girl: Mommy, I don’t want to go to that camp. They worship the devil there.
Mom: Oh, no, that’s just a silly song. Every camp has something silly like that that they do.
Little girl: But Mommy, they sing a song that goes, ‘I love the devil.’
Mom: When you get there you’ll see it’s just a funny game. All kids like to play little games like that.

–Union Square

At the Back of the Store, Dad Made a Few Quick Purchases

Little kid pointing to box truck: Store!
Dad: Yes, that’s right. That’s a store.

–6th St, between Ave A & Ave B

Overheard by: epsd101

Brilliant!

Woman #1: I am coming perilously close to dehydration.
Woman #2: Okay. Let's go to Duane Reade.
Woman #1: Okay, but can you buy me a bottle of water? I have no money.
Woman #2: You're walking around with no money? What are going to do if you get robbed?
Woman #1: Give them my credit cards–everyone takes credit.

–Union Square Park

These Wednesday One-Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.

30-something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.

–63rd & Amsterdam Ave

Suit: Yeah, I didn't even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!

–Wall Street

Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I'm driving my body…

–Cooper Union Foundation Building

Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.

–52nd & 10th

Overheard by: krysta

The Bell Made the Assault Sound Whimsical

Guy: Ooh, remember that time you got raped there?
Girl: Yeah! Why did we ride bikes, anyway?

–11th Street & 3rd Avenue

She’s Gonna Become One Nasty Pumpkin

Girl: Oh my God, you guys. I still have my Friday panties on.
Guy: You’d better hurry up and get home; there are only two hours before it’s Sunday.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas

Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?

Older woman #1: This is my shih tzu. I got her when my yorkie died.
Older woman #2: I got my yorkie when my sister died.
Older woman #1: I don't know what I'd do if my shih tzu died.

–Union Square

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