A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: camillia*

Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!

–St. Mark's

Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.

–Lord & Taylor, 39th St

Overheard by: mira

Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!

–6 Train

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, History & Geography, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On the Subway, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Race, School, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, War, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Look, There's My Tooth!

Boyfriend: Hey, didn't we get in a huge fight right around here?
Girlfriend: Yes.

–7th St & 1st Ave

Posted on December 4, 2009
Couples, Nostalgia, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Violence

Bless Me, Father, for I Have Wednesday One-Linered

Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SilentRaver

Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.

–Cosi, 13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Heather

Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!

–R Train

Overheard by: Amanduh

Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown

Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!

–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Catholics, Christianity, Church, Crazies, Creepsters, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Gripes, Guys, Jesus, Judaism, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Ted Comes Out to Ben

Guy #1: You guys should put on a musical next year!
Guy #2: We would, but a musical's pretty elaborate. I mean, we have plenty of girls who can sing, but no guys at all.
Guy #1: Oh! Then you should, like, do The Vagina Monologues, The Musical!
Guy #2: (stares)

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Posted on November 30, 2009
Broadway Shows, Guys, Music, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

She's a Huge Mariah Carey Fan.

Gen X chick #1: Why are you looking at radishes?
Gen X chick #2: I find vegetables interesting.

–Greenmarket, Union Square

Overheard by: stephie

Posted on November 29, 2009
Food, Girls, Questions, Union Square and East Village

But Here, It's Not a Pleasant Surprise to Put It in the Wrong One.

Girl #1, missing yet another shot: God, this is so frustrating! All I want to do is just get it in the hole.
Girl #2: Yeah, now I know how guys must feel.

–Amsterdam Billiards

Posted on November 28, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Gender issues, Girls, Gripes, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Crazy Shiksa

Girl #1: My dad used to call me that. He would say, “Bye bye, meshugana,” and I always thought he was saying, “Bye bye my sugar, now.” I was a confused kid.
Girl #2: Or just a shiksa.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michelle

Posted on November 23, 2009
Girls, Judaism, Language Barrier, Nicknames & name calling, Parents, Union Square and East Village

Thighs…Chafing…Can't Go on

British girl #1, standing and holding out hand for friend: Sorry, this city makes my hands dirty.
British girl #2: This city makes my whole body dirty.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on November 13, 2009
Body Parts, Brits, Cleanliness, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

–Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

–Times Square

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Girls, Hipsters, Kink, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Punks, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

What Is It About a Loser in a Bandana?

20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Come on babe, let me walk you home. Actually, fuck it, come over and watch a movie with me, I got some beer.
Unattractive older blonde: Nah, can't, I've got work in the morning, and I'm already wasted.
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Aw, you know I'll get you up as early as you need to get to work on time. You know I will. Plus, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm your cousin, so you don't even have to worry that I'll try to stick my wiener in you!
Unattractive older blonde: Well, alright.

–Grassroots Tavern, East Village

Posted on November 10, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Penis, Sex, Union Square and East Village

Union Square and East Village

She's a Huge Mariah Carey Fan.