Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.

–186th St & Bennet Ave

Overheard by: Rina

Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: MR T

Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.

–Union Square

Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.

–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave

Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!

–Greenmarket

Posted on December 23, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clerks, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Handicaps, Insects, Kids, Laundromat, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Retards & Handicaps, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

Man on cell: I need attractive girls with low self-esteem so I can tell them that I understand and then do horrible things to them. This is basic science.

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: 13Atlantic

Irate Wall Street guy standing in deli: Everything! Everything! I said "everything bagel," you fucking waste of life. (to other customers in line) He always does that!

–Beaver & William

Boy, watching Hannah Montana on screen: unless she's hanging from a rope, I can't be bothered.

–AMC 7, East Village

Overheard by: agreed

Female in red coat: It's, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I didn't even care about it when it first happened.

–Bobst Lobby, NYU

Overheard by: wow.

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Delis, Disney, Food, Girls, Hitler/Nazis, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Psychology, Science, Stupidity, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Only 479 to Go

High school girl #1, eating Ben & Jerry's: I am PMSing so bad right now!
High school girl #2, eating Ben & Jerry's: I'm PMSing so bad right now! Actually, I'm not PMSing. I'm on the first period of my life!

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: miss blanky-poo

Posted on December 21, 2009
Menstruation, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Smooth, Silky Wednesday One-Liners

Teen to friends: I want to get a haircut, but every time I get a haircut I get arrested.

–Union Square

Cashier: This line is closed! Unless one of y'all wants to drive me to my hair appointment!

–Home Depot

Woman to friend: Why can't he have a normal man haircut? Like, with short sides?

–Dekalb Ave & Oxford

Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula

Manic lady to no one in particular: Pay homage to my hair!

–B61 Bus

Drunk hipster: Donald Trump's hair is the Blarney Stone of New York.

–East Village

Overheard by: Concerned Irishman

Posted on December 16, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Cars and Driving, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Friends, Hair, Hipsters, On the Bus, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Which Of the Three Stooges Is Which? Show Your Work.

Guy #1: I need more leg room.
Guy #2: I need more arm room.
Guy #3: I need more gas room.

–Astor Place Theater

Overheard by: Tracy

Posted on December 15, 2009
Body Parts, Guys, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

College, in a Nutshell.

Sophomore #1: You are *not* allowed to pass out in the gutters!
Sophomore #2, deadpan: I didn't pass out. I laid down.

–Cooper Square & Astor Place

Posted on December 14, 2009
Health and Hygiene, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Does “No Homo” Provide Enough Protection for That?

Drunk guy #1: My junk is way more prominent than your junk.
Drunk guy #2: No way, my junk is way more conspicuous than yours.
Drunk guy #1: Let's have a junk contest!

–St. Mark's & 1st Ave

Posted on December 12, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Height, Penis, Union Square and East Village

Why Ren Faires Have a Children's Lost and Found

Ghetto dad to little boy wearing knight's helmet: I don't know who the fuck's son you are, but I love you.
Little boy, muffled through helmet: I luf you do!

–3rd Ave & 9th St