ASPCA volunteer: Hey, you have a moment for animals?
Busy man: Yeah… at lunch.
Onlooker: Ice cold!
–Union Square
ASPCA volunteer: Hey, you have a moment for animals?
Busy man: Yeah… at lunch.
Onlooker: Ice cold!
–Union Square
Ditzy bonde: So, like, you remember those two guys from the bar last night?
Sensible black chick: Yeah.
Ditzy bonde: I fucked 'em both! One after the other. Bam! Bam!
Sensible black chick: Jesus, Diane*! They wore condoms, riiight?
Ditzy bonde thoughtfully: Well, they were still dribbling out of me this morning… So no!
–Union Square Station
Overheard by: Bart Simpson's shudder
Woman #1: And then bam, right in my eye.
Woman #2: Well at least you didn't get pregnant.
Woman #1: I'm already pregnant.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: The inflatable penis and inflatable vagina are for me, mom, I figured the kids could use them as pillows.
–Broadway & Worth St
Overheard by: Hoping I never go on a car trip with this broad
Passerby to man peeing in the bushes: There's a kid coming, put your cock up!
–Union Square
Scene Soho chick: He's not gay, he just loves cock!
–Uncle Nick's Greek Cuisine, 9th Ave
Overheard by: Todd
Little boy throwing marshmallows: I hit him in the penis!
–Frankfort & Rose
Overheard by: Kristen
Girl: No way! How do you know?
Guy: Because my roommate heard them having sex! Apparently, he screams like a girl.
–Union Square
Overheard by: MASHI
Bubbly 40-something tourist lady: So now you have a MetroCard!
Sullen silver-haired male companion: Why?
–Union Square
Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: eternal student
Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!
–Park Ave & 31st St
Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!
–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side
30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Megan
Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?
–Ave A & 8th St
Overheard by: Daniella
Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: furf
Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!
–West Village
Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.
–1st Ave & 1 St
Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.
–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman
Overheard by: Heather H.
Woman: So I brought Elizabeth to New York and she was obsessed with escalators!
Friend: What?
Woman: Yea, every store we went to she had to ride the escalator! She got mad at me if she saw one that I didn't take her on. I had all this stuff planned for her: shopping, a bus tour, a Broadway musical… she just wanted to ride escalators!
Friend: That's hilarious. How old is she?
Woman: Eighteen.
–FIlene's Basement Escalators, Union Square
Overheard by: K Melv
Girl #1: So what did you say to your roommate?
Boy: I told her she was a fucking slut!
Girl #2: Isn't your roommate your girlfriend?
Boy: Sort of.
–Astor Place
