“Hi, My Name Is Wednesday, and I'm a One-Liner”

Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!

–Eldridge Street & Broome Street

Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …

–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th

Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!

–West Village

Overheard by: AsherO

Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: teagle

Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!

–Blockheads

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Politics, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

He Was All, “Yeah, I Saw the 'There's No Place Like Homo' Sign on Our Door.”

Guy #1: So what did you say to him?
Guy #2: I said, “if you refuse to believe I'm gay, I am going to invite a boy over to our apartment and have sex with him while you stand there and watch.”

–E 7th St

Posted on February 15, 2010
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Sex, Sexuality, Threats, Union Square and East Village

In Which Case, Perhaps He'll Opt for the Self-Stimulus Package.

Obama condom vendor: Obama condoms! A health care plan we can all afford!
Gloomy college kid: Not me…
Obama condom vendor: Obama condoms! A health care plan we can all afford unless you don't have sex, like this guy!

–Union Square

Posted on February 13, 2010
Comebacks, Condoms, Health and Hygiene, President, Sex, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening

Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!

–6 Train

Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up

Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: D Dot

Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.

–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave

Overheard by: EmLo

Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!

–Park Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants

Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.

–Lexington & 90th St

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, God, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Men, Murder, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Bronx Science, Dads, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Does Your Whole World Look Like a Porno?

Dude #1: I think Elizabeth and Adrienne are sleeping together.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah. Their body language is like, “when can we get out of here and have sex?”

–4th Ave and 11th St

Overheard by: Ultimate Warrior

Posted on February 6, 2010
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Language Barrier, Rumor Has It, Sex, Union Square and East Village

And I Thought You Supported a Woman's Right to Shoes?

Tourist girl: We still have to make it to Williamsburg! When are we gonna do that?
Tourist guy: Why? What's in Williamsburg?
Tourist girl: Shoes… For one.

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Rubie

Posted on February 6, 2010
Shoes, Shopping, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village

If Ever We Needed a Festival Of Light Cuisine

Smoking NYU bro #1: Oh my god, dude! (pointing) Is that a new restaurant called Happy Hanukkah?
Smoking NYU bro #2: No, dude! That's a window with holiday decorations.
Smoking NYU bro #1, looking really sad: Oh.

–13th & 3rd

Overheard by: Charlotte

Posted on January 31, 2010
Holidays, Judaism, Names, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Students, Union Square and East Village

Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome

Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: jess_stang

Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.

–BAM Cinemafest

Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!

–E 7th St

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Height, Kids, Medicine, Movie Theaters, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection Of Those Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: I only remember things when I insult them!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Amanda

Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wait. What?

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Infidelity, Insults, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Sexuality, Strippers, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Union Square and East Village

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection Of Those Wednesday One-Liners