Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?
–52nd St & 6th Ave
Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tommy a
Man to friend: I'm Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.
–Grand & Orchard
Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!
–Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: DI
Man on sidewalk: You ain’t nuttin’ but a whore! I fed up payin’ fo’ yo’ shit! You gonna go broke!
Woman four stories up: Sweetheart, I got a pussy! I ain’t never gonna go broke!
–11th & 1st
Overheard by: muffin girl
Teen boy: Is that a Jewish thing?
Man: No, it’s from Shrek.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash button should just be labeled "8th of weed."
–Chase Bank, Astor Place
Probation officer to juvenile: You think you can't get arrested for marijuana? Are you out of your damn mind? You're taking a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son!
–Bronx Family Court
Overheard by: Adog
Guy to girlfriend: The more stoned I get, the better you sound.
–72nd St & Broadway
Guy: So then I smoked a goodnight bowl at Chris's.
–E 10th St
Overheard by: What about a good morning bowl?
20-something to friend: I'll save the world second, but I'll get high first.
–Houston & Essex
Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.
–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!
–1 Train
Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!
–N Train
Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…
–5th Ave & 14th St
Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jessi pfeufer
Girl #1: Oh my god! Did you see that? He flipped me off!
Girl #2: Well, duh! You ran in front of his car.
Girl #1: So?
–Union Square
Overheard by: sam
Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!
–Ave B & 10th St
Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!
–St. Marks Place
Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.
–1st & 3rd
Overheard by: Angela
Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!
–7th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!
–CVS
Overheard by: freshly brewed.
Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!
–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn
Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!
–Downtown D Train
Overheard by: Raven
Guy to girl in subway: I was your boyfriend in third grade, don't you remember? You left me for Tyrone because he had the 64-pack of crayons.
–BX 41 Bus
Overheard by: Stacey V
Slutty hipster on cell: Why do you keep saying "Jew" boyfriend?
–Bowery & 4th
Girl to friend: Wait, do you mean my boyfriends in general, or just my Jewish boyfriends?
–David's 24-Hour Bakery
Overheard by: Caroline
Male economics professor: You get your first boyfriend, and your satisfaction is huge. But then, you get three more boyfriends. Have any of you experienced having four boyfriends? Sometimes, they give you a headache.
–Pratt Institute
Hippie girl: Free hugs! We're giving out free hugs today! (to preppy guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug today?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hippie girl: Why not?
Guy: Actually, I just had a minor surgical procedure on my abdomen. I shouldn't hug anyone until it heals.
Hippie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel better, though!
Guy: I'm pretty sure that a hug would open up the incision on my abdomen from the surgical procedure. I'm told this would increase my odds of infection. Thanks anyway, though.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Double-M
Skeevy vendor to girl purchasing sunglasses: Here, I polish for you.
Girl: Oh, thank you.
Skeevy vendor: You pretty girl. I polish for you. For ugly girls -never.
–St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
