But Not for Real

Thug: Hey, man… You look like you’re from California with that hair. Are ya?
Guy with long blond hair: Yes, I am.
Thug: How you like ‘at? I been thinkin’ about movin’ out to California.
Guy with long blond hair: It’s great — people are more real here in New York, though. I used to live in San Francisco, which is a great.
Thug: Oh, how far is San Francisco from California?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco is in California.
Thug: Oh, what city is it in?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco… Okay, this is my stop.

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Dave S

Posted on October 17, 2017
On the Subway, Stupidity, Thugs, U.S. Geography

WEDNESDAY ONE-LINERS

Cab driver: Jersey, Jersey! What are you doing in New York? Do we go to Jersey? No!…unless we have to go to the Great Adventure.

–Taxi, 23rd & 7th

NY Post guy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it…Charlie Tuna, he’s dead! The Gorton’s Fisherman, he died too. Read it all today!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Allison

Barker: Tonight only! Special deal! A free game for White people! All Caucasians, one free game!

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Drew

Black guy: ’bout time y’all write tickets downtown. I thought y’all only did that shit up in Harlem!

–4th & Bowery

Overheard by: Emily McCombs

Cabbie: …and those Asians, they are the worst of all. They can’t see. They have no peripheral vision. They’ve got rice in their eyes!

–Taxi, Sullivan Street

Posted on October 6, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Gripes, News, NYC Geography, Pop Culture, Public Transportation, Race, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Posted on September 10, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

As This Site Proves Daily, Stupid is Not a Crime

Tourist lady #1: Hey look, there’s the Statue of Liberty!
Tourist lady #2: Then that must be Alcatraz!

–flight into LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jennifer

Tourist lady: Will we get to stop off at the Statue of Liberty on this bus trip?

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Brooke Rachel

Posted on August 19, 2017
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…

Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.

–Flatiron District

Posted on July 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Fordham, Girls, Handicaps, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Panhandling, Penn Station, Questions, School, Staten Island, Students, Suits, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Women, Words

Wouldn’t They Ask “What Are You?” (A: Pompous)

Guy: So people ask me, “What am I?”, and I say, “Firstly, I’m a person and an American.” It’s such a contextual paradox. I just can’t explain it.
Girl: Huh?
Guy: I just said I can’t explain it, it’s a contextual paradox.

–N train

Posted on April 16, 2017
Guys, Idiots, Intelligentsia, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Words

They Take Your Money and Don’t Care If You Live or Die

JAP #1: It’s like, I can’t dance on the bar and dress slutty anymore. It’s just not appropriate.
JAP #2: You did it in college all the time.
JAP #1: But college is different! College is like being in Vegas…
JAP #2: Yeah, for four years!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on March 16, 2016
Comebacks, Dancing, Friends, Innuendo, JAPs, Nostalgia, School and studying, Talking/Convos, Time, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Portrait of the Realtor as a Young Girl

Westchester girl: Remember, we are not from upstate. We are from thirty minutes outside of the city!

–8th St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Jim G

Posted on December 15, 2015
One-liners, The Village, Tourists, U.S. Geography

I Noticed a Particular… Aroma… When You Entered the Train

Guy # 1: Dude, I’m hella hungry.
Guy # 2: I’m freakin’ hella tired of your whining, a-hole!
Guy # 1: At least I ain’t hella stupid!
Guy # 2: And you’re hella ugly!
Passenger, to guys: Are you from Jersey?

–C Train

Overheard by: Hammer-head

Posted on December 2, 2015
Default, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Strangers, U.S. Geography, Words

Atlas Winced

Girl: Where is Norfolk again? Virginia?
Guy: No, Long Island. Long Island forks into two parts, Norfolk and Suffolk.

–JFK

Overheard by: miss n.

Asian girl #1: Where is Ontario?
Asian girl #2: Um…I think it’s in the Midwest.
Asian girl #1: Oh, really? Is it a state?
Asian girl #2: Hmm…I’m not sure…

–27th & 7th

Posted on October 25, 2015
At the Airport, Idiots, U.S. Geography

U.S. Geography