Kid #1: Yo, it would be awesome to go trick-or-treat here tonight.
Kid #2: Idiot, Jews have Halloween in April or something.
–Kosher candy store
Kid #1: Yo, it would be awesome to go trick-or-treat here tonight.
Kid #2: Idiot, Jews have Halloween in April or something.
–Kosher candy store
Father: So, what are you going as for Halloween?
Daughter: A Hooters girl. I needed a costume where my breasts could be an accessory.
Father: Ah, makes a father proud.
–42nd & 6th Ave
Tween boy #1: Man, I don’t like your school.
Tween boy #2: I know. They’re all like Rob Zombie there, but none of them are zombies — they’re all gay.
–C train
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Old guy in group: So, I saw this special last night on hauntings, and there was this one segment that reminded me so much of stories my aunt used to tell us about growing up in Brooklyn. She says their house had a ghost that haunted their attic and–
Young guy, interrupting: –Oh, cool! Was it the kind of ghost that tips over furniture and rattles tea cups, or the kind that flips you over in your sleep and rapes you up your ass?
Group: [Palpable silence.]
–Central Park Lawn
Guy #1: I don’t think aliens are aliens.
Guy #2: Oh no. Me neither.
Guy #1: I think aliens are just regular people who evolved a different way.
Guy #2: I have always believed that. Everyone knows that.
–Astor Place
Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.
–C Train
Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Louisa
Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!
–93rd St, Bay Ridge
Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BK
Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Celia
Mom: What was it we needed to do again?
Daughter: Get pepper for the zombies.
Mom: Oh, yes, right.
–5th Ave
Teen boy, about someone in costume as zombie soldier: Aw, I shoulda had a military uniform!
Teen girl: Ugh, that's social commentary. I don't do that.
–47th & 8th, Zombie Crawl
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Guy in business casual: Deer, zombies, Nazis… They're all fair game in my book.
Friend: I've never been hunting before, but I do like fishing.
–73rd St
Overheard by: Irish Dave
Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?
–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him
Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…
–G Train
One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.
–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave
MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.
–Penn Station
Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.
–6 Train
Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?
–36th St & Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: Cody
