Newspaper vendor: Come on, people! Buy this right-wing rag! Buy it!
–41st & 6th
Overheard by: M. Hutchinson
Shop owner: Come inside! Come on our floors! Come everywhere!
–Canal Street store
Overheard by: Casey D.
Guy on cell: I’m just out here trying to sell comedy club tickets to upper middle class White people. What are you doing?
–Broadway & 46th
Flyer guy: Eyebrow threading! Eyebrow threading! That’s right, mo more crooked-ass eyebrows!
–35th & 7th
Overheard by: Johnny Peppas
Queer: I just want to work on my arms. I don’t need to bother with abs — I’ll just spray them on.
–New York Sports Club, 23rd St
Lady in elevator to grandma with walker: That M.A.C Stuff is like spackle! It stays on for hours!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: nuck
Columbia co-ed: I always put on makeup when I’m drunk. It’s such a bad idea!
–114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: tired of Morningside Heights
Young girl: Mom, can I get my Social Studies teacher a gift? I’ma get her some lotion, ’cause she mad ashy! Yo, I ain’t even lyin’. I ain’t even lyin’…
–Steinway St, Astoria
Ghetto chick hanging up cell angrily: Great! He gone messed up my day! Now I’m definitely getting my hair and nails did!
–Wendy’s, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Woman: She said she want to make more than 8 dollars. I said, “Honey, you ain’t makin’ no 20 dollars unless you sell drugs.”
–Bowery
Overheard by: Stephanie Emilienburg
Girl on cell: I think the truth is rotting into your brain, that’s why you’re getting migraines.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Rych
Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don’t wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that!
–AMC theatre, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: K Smith
Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He’s only barking because he isn’t used to seeing that kind of dog.
–Central Park
Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Nora
Hot dog vendor: To go?
–Hot Dog Stand, 62nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Chrissy
Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?
–Dunkin Donuts, 76th & York
Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?
–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50th St
Overheard by: Dianora
20-something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?
–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park
Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn't it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn't food?
–W 114th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?
–Uptown 1 Train
Dude: Man, I wish I had a doorknob.
–34th & 8th
Hustler on cell: I just wish you wasn’t being all one-track-mind-your-own-business about this.
–Chinatown
Hobo: Can anybody help a disabled Navy veteran get something to eat? If you help me buy a sandwich, you’ll get a 2007 Zagat for half price. [A suit gives him money but declines the Zagat.] Okay, but I really wish someone would buy the Zagat.
–4 train
Overheard by: Fagat
Guy on cell: You just wish you were my baby’s mama!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Hipster: … So he said, ‘I wish Jesus was alive now. I’d invite him to join MySpace.com and I’d force him to be my friend.’
–Q train crossing the East River
Overheard by: Beth Smith
Young lady yuppie on cell: It is a perfectly normal fear to be afraid of bubbles!
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: KS
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sarah
Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’
–Rector St
Yuppie: Let’s go find my ex-fiance and beat her up.
–46th & 8th
Hobo: There’s a Republican in Greenwich Village! [Sirens sound nearby.] Better watch out!
–W 12th & 8th
Overheard by: nyamelia
Excited man on cell: It’s a White House colonic!
–17th & 6th
Seven-year-old girl with silent parents: Spitzer won! Spitzer won! Spitzer won!
–8th Ave, Park Slope
20-ish guy on cell: What do you mean, ‘Bush will get re-elected in ’08’? Didn’t you go to fuckin’ grade school and learn about the two term limit on the presidency? Okay, yeah, I’ll be over for dinner tonight… Love ya, Mom! Bye!
–W 41st & 7th
Hipster dude to another: That girl told me she was a Republican, and I fucked her in the ass all night long. That was the best ass sex I ever had.
–Clinton St & 3rd Pl, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Terry
Customer: I’d like a grande hazelnut latte and a new president.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Grady
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that's English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!
–Soho
Overheard by: Anastassia
Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.
–L Train
Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!
–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…
–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.
–William & Cedar
Overheard by: Laura
