Guy: My eyelashes have decided to declare war against my eyes.
–12th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: E. F. Schubert
Woman: All I wanted was some sunflower seeds and I wound up with my face on a milk carton.
–41st & 5th
Overheard by: rebecca h.
Teen girl on cell: So I finally talked to him and I was like, “Do you have any safety pins?” and he was all, “No!” and then I was like,
“What about all the ones in your face?”
–Red Hook
Overheard by: linda
Conductor: The next stop is…155th Street.
–Uptown D train, 170th St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Conductor, over radio: Hey, Steve, do we have to fill out an unusual occurrence report for being on time?
–Amtrak train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Mike
Conductor: This is a downtown 4 train making local stops. I repeat, this…Stop looking at me like that, nigga, or I’ll kill yo’ ass…This is a downtown 4 train making local stops…
–Downtown 4 train
Conductor, over loudspeaker: Come on! Step on the train. Don’t just look at the doors. Walk on!
–N train
Overheard by: Lila
Conducter: This is the back! This is the back of the train! The back, as in not the front!
–NJ Transit train, Penn Station
Overheard by: stupid tourist
Conductor: This is South Orange. South Orange. South Orange. [sound of a group of people cheering is heard over the speaker] Hallelujah! Hallelujah! This is South Orange!
–NJ Transit train from Penn Station to Dover
Conductor: We’re being held up by a C train in front of us. If you’re nervous or scared, we’ll be moving to our destination in a moment. No worries!
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: wasn’t too worried
Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?
–Bus
Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?
Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.
–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: I wish I knew more
Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…
–The Bronx
Overheard by: ground floor music lover
Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: That took a turn
Blonde white girl to another: And I was all like, "I'm not throwing the baby over the fence!"
–Spring St
Overheard by: Maria Emma
Girl to mother: Oh, look at daddy with the baby in one hand and the bottle of bourbon in the other. And in the morning, too!
–Williamsburg
Condom vendor: Obama and McCain election special condoms! 3 for $10 and 1 for $5, all cheaper than a baby!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Aalok
Mom with stroller to friend: She's incapacitated already, so she might as well have his baby.
–6th Ave & 4th St
Tourist: Is this 49th Street? Oh no, I think we’re at Times Square!
–Uptown R Train at Union Square
Overheard by: Limey
Lady on cell: I’m on the corner by the trash can and the lamp.
–Union Square
Man on cell: Wait, I’m on 4th and Broadway…Hey wait, are you me? Who are you?
–4th and Broadway
Guy on cell: Ey! Eeeey! What, like you can’t SEE me? I’m up heeeeh, waving my arms like an ingrate!
–Shea Stadium, upper deck
Overheard by: Infield Fly
Guy on cell: Yeah I’m here in the NYU park. We are gonna talk about feng shui. Not your feng shui, my feng shui.
–washington square park
Overheard by: ak
Guy on cell: I can see a big building, can you see a big building where you are?
–University and 8th Street
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4-dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
Woman: Why are you not breathing? You’re the worst patient ever!
–ER, Methodist Hospital
Overheard by: Gena
Hipster to boyfriend: So, I lost three pounds last week. It’s because I went to the gynecologist…
–28th & 8th
Overheard by: Waiting for the next sentence
Nurse pushing old man in wheelchair: I’m not a real nurse.
–St. John’s Hospital
Boyfriend to girlfriend as they consume foot-long hotdogs: You’ve gotta ask yourself one question. Are you prepared to put your hands in shit every day? Because that’s all a job in health care is — putting your hands in shit.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: kat
EMT rolling patient in on stretcher: This is the most ghetto hospital ever!
–ER, Woodhull Hospital, Brooklyn
11-year-old girl: Yo mamma's broke cuz she spend all her money on rhinestones and cigarttes!
–Riverside Branch Library
Overheard by: always listening
Polite lady: Go straight down that way and cut through the projects–don't worry, they're mixed income–and you'll see it when you come out on A.
–1st Ave & 5th St.
Overheard by: Mrqs
Old lady waiting for the bathroom: How long do people stay in toilets? Jesus! It's a public toilet! There are all these people from the streets that come in, and they always pee on the floor. Well, that's what happens when you're poor.
–NY Public Library
Overheard by: Avery
Homegirl to friend: So she was like "oh, my name's Diamond. And this is my sister, her name's Ruby. Our daddy named us after stuff he can't afford." I was like, shit, if that was the case, my daddy woulda call us "lights" and "gas."
–Prospect Park
Nerdish teen: What the hell was a warlock doing in a dungeon when he had no money?
–C Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Teen: When I was young and fat I used to dream about scooping out my fat with a teaspoon. I was a deeply disturbed child.
–C train
Hobo: I had a wife! She was 389 pounds and had three stomachs. Now, I know a man never runs from his wife, but after a night with her — call me what you want — but I ran.
–C train
Little girl: All ugly and fat people should be banned from the train.
–4 train
Hipster: Have you ever seen a fat girl in spandex on weed?
–Union Square
Chubby teen chick: Bacon and soda, that’s my fucking bread and butter!
–14th & 1st
Overheard by: Bread and butter, that’s my fucking bread and butter
Fat lady eating pizza: Well, you know, I figured this was just as good as a salad…
–JFK
Overheard by: Wondering
Woman on cell: So he gave me this huge body hug…and he was covered in vaseline!
–34th St
Overheard by: Fishwives
JAP: Oh my god, I just sneezed, like, all over that girl!
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: that girl
Guys walking: I’ve got the most disgusting couch in the world.
–Coffee Shopp, Union Square
Sanitation man sorting through garbage: Hey Vinnie, wanna half hero?
–67th St
Man on cell: She was shmearing neosporin all over the place.
–Christopher and 7th Ave
Woman: I must say, I’ve eaten a lot of things off the floor today.
–Park Slope
Drunk girl: Seriously, is this what it’s come to? My stomach fat covers my vagina?
–Four Faced Liar, West 4th St
Overheard by: pebbles
Man on cell: Well, for the past few days I’ve been coughing up phlegm.
–Citarella, 3rd Ave and 75th St
