Weirdness

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!

–Metro-North Rail

Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: thorn

Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…

–Macy's

Overheard by: Sarah R

Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…

Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: …wow.

Girl #1: I want to get pregnant in March. Let's get pregnant in march.
Girl #2: Wait, where are we now?
Girl #1: My uterus is ready.
Girl #2: I had a full checkup, and my uteri are great.
Girl #1: Oh my god, you have two uteruses? You are awesome! You have utters. You have yoo-utters!
Girl #2: Yeah, I have three breasts.

–Cafe near Columbia

Overheard by: DL

Conductor: This is 72nd St. Stand clear of the closing doors. B train. B for "brighten up your day" train. (at the next stop) Folks, this is 59th Street, and just like magic we are now an express train. B express train. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–B Train

Overheard by: ryder

Train conductor: You can transfer to the M as in "money," the N as in "Nick," and the R as in "Romeoooooo!"

–D Train

Guy on cell, giving directions: So you take the D line… No, D as in "David." D! D! A, b, c, d! (pause) No, D. Okay…then you walk down to Hoffman Street… Hoffman Street, as in "Dustin Hoffman." He's that actor, with a big nose, that you really like, the one that's in that movie about your life…yeah…yeah! He's a cross-dresser! Tootsie! That's you, bro!

–Arthur Ave

Overheard by: eternal student

Creepy old man to creepy friend: We should be on the V. V for "vagina". We're on the F. F for "fuck."

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: CL

Conductor: There is no C train like "Charlie" all weekend. The D train like "Dick" is helping us out. I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay, you'll overlook that when I tell you that this A train will keep its express status.

–A Train

Overheard by: Nay

White teen, grabbing heavy-looking computer monitor from black teen: Fuck, just give it to me, you whiner. You're going to drop it and we'll be screwed, you fucking baby.
Black teen: Bitch, chill, what has been with you lately? Lately you've been acting like you got your white boy period.
White teen: Really. Really. Look at me, look at what I'm carrying. Don't fucking talk to me right now.
Black teen: Definitely, white boy period.

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Chick: You know, even though I'm 22, every time I go out, when I'm home my mom still waits up for me.
Random guy: No, she doesn't.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I'm afraid of the power of my own vagina.

–1 Train

Overheard by: westchester girl

Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom's vagina.

–New York Harbor

Overheard by: Barry P.

Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?

–51st & 9th

Overheard by: Highstein

Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Poogins

Very large black man: My penis' jus' as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)

–A Train

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."

–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Teenage boy #1: All I'm saying is it's false advertising. If you suck dick, you should say you suck dick.
Teenage boy #2: But then everyone will think you're a fag.
Teenage boy #3: No, no way. You're telling me that just because I meet a guy whose dick I want to suck, people will think I'm a fag?

–The Loop, Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: octopus

Girl #1: So he just made up lies about her? What an asshole!
Girl #2: Well, they aren't necessarily lies…
Girl #1: You mean it's true?
Girl #2: Think about it. (pause) I mean, she's so skinny. And they're so perky.

–NYU Silver Center