Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Fruit, Guys, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy a Stay in the Graybar Hilton

Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Allison

Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug!

–M Train

Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch!

–30th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: eavesdropper

Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times…

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense!

–54 Bus

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Elevators, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Hobos, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Prison, Public Transportation, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Makes Me Feel As Warm and Tingly As a Yeast Infection

Post grad #1: Can't you just come work at planned parenthood with me?
Post grad #2: No, I just need to become a prostitute to make ends meet. Oh my god! Then I could come to planned parenthood to have all my STDs treated!

–105st & Amsterdam

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Prostitution, Questions, STDs, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

I Don't Really Think You Have the IQ of a Semi-Retarded Iguana

Girl, as train stops: What did you just say?
Guy : …oh. Did I say that out loud?

–B Train

Overheard by: mayafied

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness

Vanessa Had Been Blessed with a Hobo Fairy Godmother

Woman screaming into cell: I hate fucking with you!
Man loitering near by scaffolding: Yo ma! Cut him loose. There's a million men in New York City.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Tizz

Posted on September 21, 2008
Advice, Default, Men, On Cell, Relationships, Sex, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women

I've Become Negligent in My Negligence

Stoner #1: Oh my god!
Stoner #2: What?
Stoner #1: I forgot to quit my job today!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on September 21, 2008
College, Default, Jobs & Careers, Stoners, Weirdness

That Does Explain Your Consistently Bad Breath

Jersey chick: Is it weird that I want to put it in my mouth?
Guy: Yes.
Jersey chick: I just like want to put it in my mouth to see its consistency.

–NYU

Overheard by: Jesse D

Posted on September 21, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Girls, Guys, NYU, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Suddenly Sober, Alice Put Out the Cigarette

Drunk chick: I don't care if you let me I'm smoking this fucking cigarette. (lights it)
Driver: Brunettes are slutty.
Drunk chick: What?
Driver: It's okay, I like slutty chicks.

–Taxi Cab, Williamsburg

Overheard by: where's waldo?

Posted on September 20, 2008
Brooklyn, Cabbies, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Weirdness

Kinda Like Birthing a Calf

Bearded guy: So I was looking at porn the other day and saw this chick getting fisted and it reminded me of you.
Blonde girl: Oh yeah. Was it anal?
Bearded guy (fist pumping against other hand): Oh, it was full on.

–LIRR

Overheard by: well…was it?

Posted on September 20, 2008
Backdoor, Default, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Long Island, Porn, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Weirdness