Crazy old lady: You're gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have very bad luck… you could be in the next 9/11.
–7th Ave & 36th St
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have very bad luck… you could be in the next 9/11.
–7th Ave & 36th St
White girl: Damn, you can flow!
McDude: What you know about flow?
White girl: Dude, I’m from H-town.
–McDonald’s, 38th & 6th
Overheard by: Brooke
Dude #1: So my roommate keeps jerkin off at my computer.
Dude #2: That's fucked.
Dude #1: It didn't bother me at all till I smelled my chair. So I confronted him.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: He said he'd put something on the chair next time. I guess I'm supposed to be okay with him poppin one off at my desk, I guess.
–Bellhouse Bar
Overheard by: billy
30-something guy to group: So yeah, I mean my ex-wife found out I bought a new car, a Benz, and that my new girlfriend was driving around in it. So she got all pissy and told me to buy her a car. So I bought her the shittiest Toyota I could find at the used car lot. No joke, this thing is a death trap. I hope she burns alive in it.
Friend: Um, don’t you have kids?
30-something guy: Yeah, so?
Friend: Doesn’t your ex-wife drive the kids?
30-something guy: Oh fuck me, now I have to tell her that I tried to kill her.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Just Trying to Sleep…
Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.
–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Tootles McGee
Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?
–Bergenline Bus
Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with
Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?
–12th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?
–South Seaport
Female suit: Their penises don’t care!
–Times Square
Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.
–5th Ave
Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.
–9th & Prospect Park
Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence
Guy with lisp to friend: When I have outbreaks, they never have it, so I asked the guy at the gas station and he just bought a pack for me.
(friend mumbles something)
Guy with lisp: I have to walk miles to the gas station to get my herpes medication. My mom doesn't even know I have herpes, or that I used to have syphilis! Imagine having poison ivy on your knee, and it bursts, and there's pus. That's what it's like. Do you have herpes?
Friend, stupidly: Ha-huh. I don't know.
Guy with lisp: Did you fuck that chick Rachel?
Friend: Ha-huh. Yeah.
Guy with lisp: Did you ride her rough?
Friend: Ha-huh. Yeah.
Guy with lisp, shamelessly: You probably have herpes. I gave it to her about a month ago. We should talk more about who I've fucked and who I've given herpes to.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Fresca P.
Hyper girl walking down sidewalk: I've got an uncontrollable urge, I've got to tell you all about it! I've got an uncontrollable urge, I've got to scream and shout it! I say: yeah. (looks expectantly at serious girl next to her)
Serious girl, completely deadpan: Yeah.
Hyper girl: Ye-ah!
Serious girl: Ye-ah.
Hyper girl: I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Serious girl: Yeah?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Scarface
Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!
–Prospect Heights
Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.
–Battery Park Starbucks
30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.
–Chinatown Bus
Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.
–Upper East Side
Sorority girl tourist #1, about photo of guy on camera phone: Look at this gluteus maximus.
Sorority girl tourist #2: Oooh, nice gluteus maximus. Hey, what’s with all the weird body part names, anyway? Gluteus maximus…
Sorority girl tourist #1: Vulva…
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Dolores!
