The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Posted on March 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brothers, Chinese, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Illness, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

On Appeal, the Court Reverses the Cookie Transaction and Remands the Name Issue to the District Court for Adjudication

Little girl #1: What’s your name?
Little girl #2: No!
Little girl #1: Want a cookie?
Little girl #2, snatching it and shoving it in her mouth: No!

–Sandbox, Prospect Park

Overheard by: braincurve

Posted on March 9, 2018
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Kids, Parks, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Neither Fitty nor Mrs. Cent Could Be Reached for Comment

Overloud teenager #1: You know what I figured out? All this shit we’re listening to now… When we’re older that shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: Huh?
Overloud teenager #1: That Fitty track. When we’re… older and shit, it’s gonna be old school. Shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: I don’t get it.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on February 26, 2018
Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, On the Subway, Teens, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 20, 2018
Advice, Age/Aging, Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Insults, Jews, Kids, Latinos, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Not Gay! Not My Bert!

Street vendor to crying old lady clutching a Bert doll: Um, the doll is 15 dollars, ma’am.

–Varick & King

Posted on February 18, 2018
The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness

I Was a Music-Video Hoochie Before I Found Allah

Italian man: It seems Americans can't spell, like they don't even have command of their own language.
Muslim woman wearing a burqa: Why should anyone learn to spell when all you have to do to get ahead in this country is show some crack? …if you know what I mean.

–Tillies, Brooklyn

Posted on February 17, 2018
Brooklyn, Education, God Squad, Hard Drugs, Italians, Languages, Weirdness

And Yet She Claims to Be My Psychic Friend?

Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #1: So I'm like she doesn't even know me! So I go to her, “Do you even know me?” cause she don't even know me!
Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #2: She doesn't even know you.

–Pax, E 52nd St

Posted on February 15, 2018
Coworkers, Default, Ghetto Chicks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Weirdness, Words

Are You Reading Off… an Index Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?

–Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Posted on February 13, 2018
Default, Diet/Weight, Goths, Guys, Instruments, Music, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Video Games, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Was Born a Wednesday, but I Identify With One-Liners

Guy to girlfriend and friend: Goddammit, neither one of you is a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

–8th & 9th

Overheard by: cracking up

Girl on cell: Are all she-males gay? Cause if they're into women, sign me up.

–Astor Place

Teen on cell: Dudes have, like, purses here…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to friend: She's not a tranny, but she's, y'know: tran-y.

–Grand St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: KateM

Man on cell: You and I are both complex women. It's more complicated than that.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 10, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fashion, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Guys, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sexuality, Street, Teens, The Village, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Young Ahab Loses the Battle With the Great Brown Whale

Older brother: I just took the biggest shit in the bathroom I have seen in months. It started overflowing and I ran out.
Younger brother: Wow, I bet that thing put up a fight coming outta you, huh?

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Cody Smith

Posted on February 10, 2018
Brothers, Default, Fears, Guys, Madison Square Garden, Poop, Weirdness

Weirdness