Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on April 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Eating Out, Friends, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Kids, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Staten Island, Store, The Village, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Why Would He Buy a Bag from Himself?

Street vendor: Hey, you married?
Woman: No.
Street vendor: Hmph. Me neither. If we were married, I would buy you a bag. Since we’re not, it will cost you $5.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Posted on April 18, 2022
Manhattan, Marriage, Shopping, Street, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

But All I Said Was, I Hate The Hills!

Yelling wife: You made a promise. You're my husband.
Husband: Can we do this later?
Yelling wife: No, I made the worst mistake of my life marrying you. Take your ring… go.

–F Train

Posted on April 4, 2022
Couples, Default, Insults, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Women

And You Thought Don Rickles Was Dead

Man on cell: What do we got?
Hobo: Get broke and die, that’s what we got!

A minute later.

Woman passerby: Who?
Hobo: My dick, that’s who!

–Jane & 8th

Overheard by: yassira

Posted on April 1, 2022
Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Men, On Cell, West Village, Women

…I've Seen You Naked

Man: I just like to smoke crack, get naked and fuck young boys. Is that wrong?
Woman: That is very wrong.

–East Village

Posted on March 25, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Hard Drugs, Men, Robbing the Cradle, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Women

He Was a JV Soccer Coach in a Former Life

Woman (slowly walking toward a train whose doors are closing): Wait, wait… Hold the doors!
(conductor closes doors, woman glares at him)
Conductor: C’mon now… If you wanna get on my train, you best show some hustle!

–Times Square Subway Station

Overheard by: hustler

Posted on March 24, 2022
Default, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Weirdness, Women

Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on phone: I don't think she knows. (pause) But it's just a night job! (pause) No, there's no way I'm pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I'm a man, goddammit!

–Starbucks

Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?

–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road

Overheard by: Erica S

Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat!

–M100 Bus

Overheard by: Tinathetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken Paprocki

Posted on March 20, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Gender issues, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Take Another Moment to Love New York

Lady: Is that your girlfriend? She has beautiful eyes.
Guy with girlfriend: Yeah, you should see her ass. Baby, get up and show her your ass.

–B Train

Posted on March 18, 2022
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Couples, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

Yes, Both Are Very Clean Peoples

Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish.

–LES

Posted on March 4, 2022
Gays and Lesbians, Lower East Side, Men, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Street, Theater & Dance, Women

You Don't Know Much About Sex Work, Do You?

Man: So he was like, a male prostitute?
Woman: Yeah.
Man: He must have been a pretty good lookin' guy!

–40th St & 7th Ave

Posted on February 28, 2022
Beauty, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Questions, Women

Women