Black girl #1: I'm only tuning in tonight in the hope Obama accepts the oath of office with a “sho nuff,” then crotch walks down Pennsylvania Avenue.
Black girl #2: Girl, you did not just say that.
Black girl #1: I did.
–5th Ave
Black girl #1: I'm only tuning in tonight in the hope Obama accepts the oath of office with a “sho nuff,” then crotch walks down Pennsylvania Avenue.
Black girl #2: Girl, you did not just say that.
Black girl #1: I did.
–5th Ave
Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!
–A Train, Grand Central
Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chadwick
50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!
–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lea
Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.
–Prince & Sullivan
Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.
–Q27 Bus
Overheard by: hey! i go there …
Voter #1: How does this work? Which line do I stand in?
Voter #2: This line is the first half of the alphabet, a through m. That line over there is the second half of the alphabet, n through…whatever.
–Polling Place, Inwood
Overheard by: Jess
Rollerblading hipster #1: Do you know what the worst part of rollerblading is?
Rollerblading hipster #2: What?
Rollerblading hipster #1: Having to tell your parents you're gay…
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Stuck-up high school girl #1: Are you in distress?
Stuck-up high school girl #2: What does that mean?
Stuck-up high school girl #1: I think it means when you're pregnant.
–B Train
Overheard by: not too smart
Woman to friends: So he and his…what do you call an 80-year-old girlfriend? His main squeeze?
Man: His chick!
–Broadway & 102nd
Headline by: markle9
Runners-Up:
· “Ashton Just Calls Her Demi” – AL
· “His Barely Living Proof Of Gravity?” – Aditya
· “His Early Bird Special?” – Siobhan
· “His Old Lady? Nah, That’s Too Obvious” – BLS Martha
· “I Believe A-Rod Calls Her Madge” – Gross
· “The Cool Kids Would Say “GILF”” – KateNonymous
Drunk redhead: What's your name again?
Not-so-drunk brunette: It's Autumn.
Drunk redhead: You mean like the month?
–41st St
Guy #1: How do you pronouce t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e?
Guy #2: “Tearable.”
Guy #1: “Terrable.”
Guy #2: That's what I said. “Tearable.”
Guy #1: No, “terr.” Like “pteradactyl.” “Terra firma.”
–42nd Street Station
Jersey man: Look, Houston Street!
Daughter: Daddy, it's “house-ton.”
Jersey man: Tomato, toe-mah-to.
Daughter: You're so bridge and tunnel it's disgusting.
–Houston St
Snobby woman to teenage girls talking: Decrescendo, girls. Do you know what that means? It's an operatic term for “lower your voices.”
Teenage girl: Actually, “decrescendo” is a musical term for “get softer,” and when you say get lower, you're actually referring to pitch, not volume.
–Metropolitan Opera Lobby
Overheard by: Maria
