Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

–Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

–Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

–Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

–West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Love, Lower East Side, Lube, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Ah, to Be Young and Foolish Again!

Homeboy to friends: Man, growing up I was sure that “onomatopoeia” was the longest word in English.
Friend: No doubt.

–43rd & Lexington

Posted on December 15, 2008
Age/Aging, Boys, Friends, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Words

Yet a Little Bit Reptar, at the Same Time.

Girl #1: You remember on that cartoon Rugrats there was that monster named Reptar?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I had a dream last night where I was trying to replace the word “cool” with “Reptar”.
Girl #2: That's strange.
Girl #1: Yes, yes it is.

–LIRR

Posted on December 14, 2008
Dreams, Girls, Trains Not Subway, TV, Words

Calvin Coolidge Did Something Similar, But It Turned Out He Just Had Crabs

Black girl #1: I'm only tuning in tonight in the hope Obama accepts the oath of office with a “sho nuff,” then crotch walks down Pennsylvania Avenue.
Black girl #2: Girl, you did not just say that.
Black girl #1: I did.

–5th Ave

Posted on December 11, 2008
Black People, Girls, President, Race, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

None Of My Business What Happens in That Part Of the Alphabet

Voter #1: How does this work? Which line do I stand in?
Voter #2: This line is the first half of the alphabet, a through m. That line over there is the second half of the alphabet, n through…whatever.

–Polling Place, Inwood

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on December 6, 2008
Questions, Strangers, Stupidity, Washington Heights and Inwood, Words

But If That's the Way You Roll…

Rollerblading hipster #1: Do you know what the worst part of rollerblading is?
Rollerblading hipster #2: What?
Rollerblading hipster #1: Having to tell your parents you're gay…

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on December 6, 2008
Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Questions, Sports, Union Square and East Village, Words

Well Then, Not Since Wednesday

Stuck-up high school girl #1: Are you in distress?
Stuck-up high school girl #2: What does that mean?
Stuck-up high school girl #1: I think it means when you're pregnant.

–B Train

Overheard by: not too smart

Posted on November 27, 2008
On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Words

Whatever, Just Say It Loud

Woman to friends: So he and his…what do you call an 80-year-old girlfriend? His main squeeze?
Man: His chick!

–Broadway & 102nd

Headline by: markle9

Runners-Up:
· “Ashton Just Calls Her Demi” – AL
· “His Barely Living Proof Of Gravity?” – Aditya
· “His Early Bird Special?” – Siobhan
· “His Old Lady? Nah, That’s Too Obvious” – BLS Martha
· “I Believe A-Rod Calls Her Madge” – Gross
· “The Cool Kids Would Say “GILF”” – KateNonymous

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 24, 2008
Age/Aging, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Questions, Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

Words