Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.
–Bodega, Houston & 6th
Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.
–Bodega, Houston & 6th
Electric guy to himself: Where’s my gloves?
Grip guy: Gloves? I don’t use gloves. I use my bare hands like a man! Only pussies use gloves. Are you a pussy? Be a man, ya pussy.
Electric guy: But then my skin will get all dry and crack and stuff.
Grip guy: Duh, well, yeah. That’s why you have to moisturize.
–Movie set of I Am Legend
Overheard by: Another electric guy
Yuppie #1: All you need to do is have sex with one girl at the start of the party, and then all the girls at the party will want to fuck you. It’s like invincibility!
Yuppie #2: That’s not invincibility! That’s much better.
–Outside Lorimer L train
Overheard by: Kevin
HS girl #1: He passed out with his head in my lap. I really wanted to hook up with him.
HS girl #2: You should’ve.
HS girl #1: I wasn’t gonna, like, rape him.
–87th & Lexington
Overheard by: thaler
Black guy: Yeah man! You could jump in the tracks right now!
White guy: Are you sure the subway Superman will appear?
Black guy: Trust me, I’m sure.
–W 4th St station
Overheard by: ron cabrera
Headline by: Earl
Runners-Up:
· “…like WMD sure… or Jesus sure?” – k swin
· “Able to convince morons in a single sentence” – Erin
· “Another Supporter of Urban Darwinism” – ToddS
· “He’ll show up in 15 minutes with a spatula and a bucket of bleach” – Rob
· “It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! Ah Fuck, It’s a Train.” – Justin
· “Kunta Kinte’s Revenge” – micah576
· “Malcom X’s Plan B” – Chris
· “That cold-death feeling just means he’s got you” – Leigh
· “Thinning the herd, Manhattan-style” – Tom Beckett
Guy #1: Dude, are you going to that party this weekend?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah. My girlfriend has been sick all week. She was, like, throwing up and coughing up a lung yesterday. I told her, ‘You better not get me fucking sick. I am not missing this party. I will seriously kick your ass if you get me sick.’
Guy #1: What did she say?
Guy #2: I don’t know. She fell asleep or something.
–Lincoln Center
Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.
–4 Train
Overheard by: heather
Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.
–Staten Island Ferry Station
Overheard by: mindy
Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.
–Psych Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: I completely agree
Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Jewish guy #1: We should become born-again Christians so people have to get us presents and we can have parties on our born-again birthdays.
Jewish guy #2: That is the worst reason for converting I have ever heard… Wait, no — actually, if we do it, can we have born-again bar mitzvahs?
–South St Seaport
Mommy: … But we’re going to have to do something about it, sweetie.
Six-year-old girl, arms crossed, looking away: I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Mommy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Stephanie
Woman to toddler: You gotta be nice to Jenny.
Toddler: No!
Woman: No, you gotta be nice to Jenny, even though she's a fat-ass. Jenny is a fat-ass. Haha, fat-ass Jenny!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
