Haggard 40-something guy to girl passing by: Mmm-hmmm! That's the way I like 'em. Tiny and nice and tight. Look at that body, damn. Mmm-hmm. Hey, girl! Hey, gorgeous, how old are you?
Annoyed girl: I'm 14.
Haggard #40-something guy: Damn! That'll get me 25 years… Damn!
–3rd St, Havemeyer
Overheard by: One of 8 who witnessed this
Intellectual: I can’t believe some adults enjoy reading those Harry Potter books; they’re just awful.
Book vendor: Maybe some of them are still children.
Intellectual: I think some of them are psychopaths.
–W. 4th & Greene
Overheard by: Brian Lang
Tourist dad: Look, Alexander Hamilton.
Tourist son: He was young.
Tourist dad: Yeah, wonder what he died of?
–Rector St, by Trinity Graveyard
Overheard by: DTA Officer
30’s artist-type woman #1: Ok, so he was a decade younger. But I have an excuse!
30’s artist-type woman #2: His penis excused his age?
30’s artist-type woman #1: Well, I think it grew a half inch per year since the day he was born.
–9th & Bedford, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lauren
High school girl #1: Rachel*, do you really find that man attractive?
High school girl #2: His personality is perfect!
High school girl #1: He is 50 years old!
High school girl #2: So?
High school girl #3: Yeah, I second that: so what?
–Central Park
Headline by: Tom
Runners-Up:
· “His Money Doesn’t Look a Day Over 20” – Nik
· “Mr. Belding Only Got Better with Age” – RBNY
· “Now, Let’s Make a Pact to Be Impregnated by Him…” – T
· “Who Says Santa Can’t Be a Babe Magnet?” – Nael B
· “You Might Want to Check the Expiration Date on That Personality” – kenderbard
Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man…
–52nd & Madison
Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!
Guy: Happy Birthday!
Woman in Bday hat: Happy Birthday? I’m old enough to be your fucking mother. Wait, how the fuck old are you?
Guy: 30.
Woman: OK, maybe not, but old enough to be your father’s younger sister’s kid’s mother.
–outside Comic Strip Live, UES
Guy: I hate coming-of-age stories.
Girl: Why?
Guy: They’re boring.
Girl: Yeah, but this one has boobs in it.
–F Train
Overheard by: kim
Girl #1: Cause our school gets to have three day field trips, but my mom never lets me go cause she's afraid I'll get raped, robbed, killed, or something like that. It's so unfair!
Girl #2: You tell her, “mom! I'm grown up! Look at my breasts!”
–49th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Potato
Jungian: Let’s be honest: everyone knows he has the personality of an air conditioner.
–39th & Madison
Overheard by: Emily
Queer, looking at hordes of tourists: It’s times like this I wish I carried a taser.
–33rd St
Overheard by: jackattack
Ghetto girl: He smell like a sanitation truck. You know how when a sanitation truck drives by and it just smells nasty? Yeah, he like 8 trucks in a row!
–R train, 23rd St
Overheard by: Sue
Sarcastic hipster: Wow, that girl over there is a great artist. She did a fantastic job of drawing her eyebrows on her face.
–Brooklyn bound L train
College kid: Tourists are kinda like retards; I want to help, but I just never seem to.
–44th & 5th
Overheard by: David
Guy on headset: I don’t want no broke ass bitches. She couldn’t even rub two crackers together.
–Bleecker & Carmine
Ghetto waitress: Ugh. Table 9 has had so much work done on her face. Too bad she still look busted.
–Sarabeth’s East, 92nd & Madison
Overheard by: Dan
