Wednesday One-Liners. Aw, Snnnap!

Jungian: Let’s be honest: everyone knows he has the personality of an air conditioner.

–39th & Madison

Overheard by: Emily

Queer, looking at hordes of tourists: It’s times like this I wish I carried a taser.

–33rd St

Overheard by: jackattack

Ghetto girl: He smell like a sanitation truck. You know how when a sanitation truck drives by and it just smells nasty? Yeah, he like 8 trucks in a row!

–R train, 23rd St

Overheard by: Sue

Sarcastic hipster: Wow, that girl over there is a great artist. She did a fantastic job of drawing her eyebrows on her face.

–Brooklyn bound L train

College kid: Tourists are kinda like retards; I want to help, but I just never seem to.

–44th & 5th

Overheard by: David

Guy on headset: I don’t want no broke ass bitches. She couldn’t even rub two crackers together.

–Bleecker & Carmine

Ghetto waitress: Ugh. Table 9 has had so much work done on her face. Too bad she still look busted.

–Sarabeth’s East, 92nd & Madison

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on May 29, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Insults, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Unfortunately, They’re Attending A NAMBLA Meeting

Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here [gestures to brochure] that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen boy: Oh. Eleven.

–Roxy Deli

Overheard by: Kelsey

Posted on May 27, 2015
Age/Aging, Delis, Kids, Parents

I'd Give My Four Wood for a Hole-in-One

Older gentleman #1: The couple times a century that we do have sex, I would rather be playing golf.
Older gentleman #2: I know exactly what you mean.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on May 25, 2015
Age/Aging, Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Old People, Sex, Sports

You Know, the Wrong White

Little girl: My birthday is next week.
Woman: Oh? What sign are you?
Little girl: I’m Italian and Jewish.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Chris D.

Posted on May 24, 2015
Age/Aging, Jews, Kids, Park Slope, Race

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.

–Nederlander Theatre

Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn

Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on May 20, 2015
Actors, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Free stuff!, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Hook Ups, Jesus, Laundromat, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Street, The Village, Theater, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Let Alone Travel Down My Birth Canal

Girl #1: And how old is her boy now?
Girl #2: Uh… I dunno, one year old -maybe older?
Girl #1, in shock and disgust: And she still breast-feedin’ him?! That crazy ho!
Girl #2, definitively: Yeah, I ain’t lettin’ no lil’ man put teeth on my nipple!

–53rd & 6th Ave

Overheard by: SA

Posted on May 16, 2015
Age/Aging, Default, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, Questions, Relationships, Sexuality, Weirdness

Wednesdays Are Naturally Sweetened With One-Liners

Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!

–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk

Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher

Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"

–Penn Station

Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: T. Ryan

Posted on May 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Family Ties, Fat People, Food, Friends, Fruit, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Insults, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Questions, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

When I Started Waiting, They Hadn't Even Been Invented Yet

Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.

–Main St, Queens Blvd

Posted on May 7, 2015
Age/Aging, Old People, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Teens, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Wake Up in a Tub of Ice

Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.

–Dojo, W 4th St.

Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: kjsilopanna

Posted on May 7, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Medicine, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.

–NYU

Overheard by: Kelly

Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine

Overheard by: BuddyblueJD

15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!

—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25

20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: mkr

Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!

–25th & 1st

Posted on May 5, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, College, Death, Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Wishes & desires

Age/Aging