Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here [gestures to brochure] that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen boy: Oh. Eleven.
–Roxy Deli
Overheard by: Kelsey
Older gentleman #1: The couple times a century that we do have sex, I would rather be playing golf.
Older gentleman #2: I know exactly what you mean.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Jessica
Little girl: My birthday is next week.
Woman: Oh? What sign are you?
Little girl: I’m Italian and Jewish.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Chris D.
20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Steve Popovich
Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.
–8th St & 5th Ave
Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus.
–Nederlander Theatre
Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum!
–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eve
Girl #1: And how old is her boy now?
Girl #2: Uh… I dunno, one year old -maybe older?
Girl #1, in shock and disgust: And she still breast-feedin’ him?! That crazy ho!
Girl #2, definitively: Yeah, I ain’t lettin’ no lil’ man put teeth on my nipple!
–53rd & 6th Ave
Overheard by: SA
Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!
–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk
Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.
–Central Park Bench
Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher
Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"
–Penn Station
Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: T. Ryan
Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.
–Main St, Queens Blvd
Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.
–Dojo, W 4th St.
Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: kjsilopanna
Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.
–NYU
Overheard by: Kelly
Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’
–Albert Einstein College of Medicine
Overheard by: BuddyblueJD
15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!
—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25
20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.
–45th & 3rd
Overheard by: mkr
Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!
–25th & 1st
Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.
–M08 Bus
20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!
–207th St & Broadway
Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?
–LIRR
Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.
–Metro-North Rail
Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Carolyn
