Behind the Scenes With Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!

–54th b/w Madison & 5th

Overheard by: Pedro

Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.

–W Train

Overheard by: Bethany

Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.

–54th & 5th

Overheard by: GP

Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.

–6 Train

Overheard by: lauren

Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.

–37th & 7th

Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.

–116th & Broadway

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Just Wait 'Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Good Old Days of LSD and Assassinations

Ranting guy: You don’t remember the ’60s! You weren’t there! It was a blur!

–E. 4th St. & Ave. B

Overheard by: Chaoskitty

Posted on February 5, 2015
Anger Management, Guys, Union Square and East Village

Most New Yorkers Mind Their Pees in Queues

UPS employee: Ma'am, you're going to have to calm down.
Angry customer: Lady, you're lucky I ain't got a hot cup of piss on me right now, 'coz you would be wearing it.

–Post Office, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Amused yet disturbed

Posted on January 27, 2015
Anger Management, Clerks, Customers, Lower East Side, Pee, Post Office, Threats, Weirdness

We Also Carry Real New York Beatings

Woman #1: You ever just have one of those days?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: I’m having a whole week. I swear to god. And I just walked here from…Oh, forget it.
Woman #2: Oh.
Woman #1: And now I can’t even find my makeup! I swear to god, if they don’t have it, I’m gonna fucking…I don’t know!…I’ll fucking kill a tourist!
Woman #2: Oh, I hope it’s not me!…Ha, ha, ha!

5 minutes later.

Woman #2: That’s her! That’s her! That’s the New Yorker who cursed at me and threatened me!
Woman #3: It’s like seeing one in their natural habitat! I can’t wait to tell everyone a real New Yorker threatened you!
Woman #2: I know! It’s awesome!

–Sephora, Broadway between 43rd & 44th

Overheard by: Non-Bitchy New Yorker

Posted on January 26, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Assholes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Only in New York, Store, Threats, Tourists, Violence, Women

We Only Regret Having to Reach Our Destination

Woman #1: What the fuck are you pushing me for? You think you own this damn train, get the fuck off of me!
Man: Miss, I was just…
Woman #1: Just fucking what? I don’t need to be feeling your ass up against my hands, nigga!
Woman #2: Honey, just…
Woman #1: Bitch, you just shut up! All you motherfuckers, stop looking this way, this doesn’t involve y’all!
Conductor over PA: Good afternoon, I hope everyone is having an enjoyable ride home…

–Downtown 4 train, pm rush hour

Overheard by: Vinnie

Posted on January 19, 2015
Anger Management, Ass, Body Parts, Conductors, On the Subway

The Little-Known Third Option in “Bluetooth or Crazy?”

College girl #1, about old lady talking angrily behind her: Who do you think she's yelling at? Don't look, I think you should guess. Don't look!
College girl #2: No, I'm going to look. Yeah, she's not talking to anyone. No phone.
College girl #1: Oh.
(they both turn around to stare at her and continue walking)
College girl #1: Well, she's probably Italian.

–27th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lynne

Posted on January 16, 2015
Anger Management, Crazy, Foreigners, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Sorority Girls, Stupidity

She’s Been Listening to the New Stern Show

Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you.

The train pulls away.

Old lady: Fuckhead.

–23rd Street F station

Posted on January 3, 2015
Anger Management, Conductors, Etiquette, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Terrorism, Travel, Women

And It’s Too Windy for Air Mail

Mailwoman: Ma’am, the zip code you gave is for Michigan.
Lady: No! Illinois is in Chicago. My son don’t live in Michigan. Illinois is in Chicago! Chicago is a big state with lots of towns! Illinois is in Chicago!
Mailwoman: You gived me the wrong information, and I can’t help you.
Lady: You’re giving me bullshit. You’re fucking bullshit! Bullshit! Illinois is in fucking Chicago. This is fucking bullshit.

–Post Office, Jamaica

Overheard by: James

Posted on December 28, 2014
Anger Management, History & Geography, Queens, Stupidity

Falling and Chipping Your Dentures Isn’t a “New Trick”

Girl #1: Jeez, that old woman just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, I wanted to push her.
Girl #2: You’re never too old to learn a lesson.

–Balthazar, Spring Street

Overheard by: zrd

Posted on December 27, 2014
Age/Aging, Anger Management, Assholes, Manhattan, Violence

Anger Management