Bible thumper: I love you all… even you, sir.
Man: I hate you.
–A Train
Overheard by: SanjayU
Bible thumper: I love you all… even you, sir.
Man: I hate you.
–A Train
Overheard by: SanjayU
Chick: When I get mad, my Koreanness comes out.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Lani A.
Man #1: I dated my girlfriend for 3 years and never hit her once.
Man #2: Really, never?
Man #1: Well, once with the car.
–Coney Island beach
Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.
–1 New York Plaza
Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?
–Wall Street
Overheard by: …I almost asked
30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.
–Court St. & Montague
Overheard by: Kaiti
Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!
–G Train
Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips
Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!
–Queens
Guy: How do you get to Astor Place?
Old man: You go up 2 blocks, make a left, then go fuck yourself.
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: andy
British bitch on cell: I’m surrounded by fucking morons who probably struggled through the NYC school system. We all know New Yorkers are the dumbest. They can’t even read. They haven’t had a Latin education and they probably can’t even speak another language…I didn’t want to get a limo to take to the fuckin’ ghettos of Brooklyn. I didn’t want to take a cab because these uneducated people don’t understand directions. I didn’t want to spend $30 and not get to the right place…Please make sure my car gets fixed. I’ve been reduced to the humiliation of taking public transportation. Now the second part of my fucking nightmare begins. I have to take the subway! I’m dressed like a commoner. I didn’t want to wear a $5000 Chanel suit on a seat that hasn’t been cleaned…She’s letting us borrow her castle for our wedding. If they can’t afford to be there, they obviously don’t deserve to come.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Christine
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
–A Train
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
–Halloween Adventure
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
–Soho
Overheard by: Edan
Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Aaron Padwee
Headline by: Danny
Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo
Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!
–54th b/w Madison & 5th
Overheard by: Pedro
Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bethany
Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.
–54th & 5th
Overheard by: GP
Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.
–6 Train
Overheard by: lauren
Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.
–37th & 7th
Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.
–116th & Broadway
Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!
–C Train
Overheard by: Julie S.
Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!
–40th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rachel
Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.
–6th Ave & 47th
Overheard by: thanks mom
Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!
–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn
Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.
–University Pl & 8th St
Overheard by: Justin
