White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Black People, Classroom, Colors, Friends, Girls, Hair, Height, Kids, KKK, NYU, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

My Dealer Says He's Creating Brand Identity

Asian woman to large black man holding pink bag: I think it's funny that a large black man is holding a little pink bag.
Black man: It's where I keep my drugs.

–Downtown 1

Posted on July 7, 2009
Asians, Black People, Comebacks, Drugs, Height, On the Subway

To Be Fair, She Means After-Hours, Black Market Trader Joe's

Old Asian man: They don't have it.
Old Asian woman: It not problem. We go to Trader Joe tomorrow.
Old Asian man: We go where?
Old Asian woman: Trader Joe. You'll see. They have it.

–Trader Joe's

Posted on July 5, 2009
Asians, Grocery Stores, Old People, Shopping, Weirdness

Forty-Year-Old Wirgins

Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we're boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we're Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn't have to wear my glasses anymore!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Headline by: Doc Dan

Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” – Patrick
· “Every Asian GirlÂ´s ParentsÂ´ Wet Dream!” – Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” – What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” – wirrrn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 29, 2009
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Video Games, Wishes & desires

I Prefer to Think Of What I Do As Panhandling Express

Black guy wearing North Face: Listen up, people! I'ma need some money to buy a coat, cuz it's freezin out there! This coat that I'm wearin' ain't mine, it's my friend's. So I'ma need some money to buy a coat…yo, what stop is this?
Asian kid: Times Square.
Black guy: Okay…if you want to donate, you can't. Cause I gotta go, man.

–1 Train

Posted on June 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Clothing, Guys, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Questions, Weather, Weirdness

It's My Own Fault for Serving Pulled Pork

White dude to black friend: Do you want to see my meat?
Asian dude, to no one in particular: You know, the stereotype isn't true. It isn't true!
Flustered party hostess: This is so not what I need to hear right now.

–W 11th St

Posted on June 25, 2009
Asians, Black People, Friends, Guys, Lies, Offers and requests, Penis, Race, The Village, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

You Are Welcome to Hit on Me

Thug: Hey! (gestures to Asian worker behind counter at convenience store) You look good, man.
Asian worker, in thick foreign accent: What? What you say to me?
Thug: I said, you look good.
Asian worker: What, what you saying to me?
Thug: Keep doing whatever you're doing, man. (leaves store)
Asian worker, dropping accent: Fuckin' crackahs. (sees white girl waiting at counter) Oh, shit, sorry, not you.

–Myrtle Ave & Classon Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on June 19, 2009
Asians, Beauty, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compliments, Fakes, Insults, Language Barrier, Thugs, White People

I Still Don't Get Why You Were Pantsless, Though

Asian chick: Really!? Seriously!? That's so rude! I've never had anything like that happen to me before!
Blonde friend: Yeah, I know! What an asshole!
Asian chick: Wait, are you sure? He just fingered you with all those people in the restaurant watching?
(friends laugh)
Asian chick: Wait…what? I don't get it. That's what people say, right? He fingered you. He put his middle finger up.
Brunette friend, still laughing: No, no! He gave her the finger. He did not finger her.
Asian chick: Oh! Wow! I'm so glad I made that mistake now. I would have told everyone that she got fingered tonight.

–8th Ave, Chelsea

Overheard by: Wondering how anyone makes that mistake…

Posted on June 18, 2009
Asians, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Hand-Jobs, Insults, Laughter, Questions, Stupidity

I Already Took Out Your Garbage and Walked Your Dog– What More Do You Want?

Asian clerk, yelling at gangsta guy: No, you angry. You not have to come in here and be angry like that.
Gangsta guy, trying to pay for something he wants to buy: I don't need to be yelled at. You ain't yellin at nobody else in here. You ain't yellin at nobody but me.
Asian clerk: No, no…you angry in here.
Gangsta guy: You ain't yellin at nobody else. I don't need to be yelled at. That's what I got a mom for.

–Penn Station