You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.

–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Phil

Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)

–Penn Station

Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Robert H

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Clothing, Crazies, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

I'm Just Burning and Throbbing for a Job

Boyfriend: I would do just about anything for a job right now, maybe even take it in the ass.
Friend: Ew! Why would you want to do that? It burns and throbs for like a week after.
(long awkward pause)
Friend: Uh-oh. (blushes, runs away)
Boyfriend, yelling over crowd: Oh, great… You set me back months with my girlfriend.
Girlfriend: You're such an asshole!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: nick

Posted on July 22, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Couples, Friends, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Wishes & desires

Is There a Right Answer to This?

Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck?

–18th & 6th

Overheard by: Dana

Posted on July 12, 2015
Asshole, Backdoor, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Manhattan, People, Places, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, Scents of the City, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics

Wednesday One-Liners for Chuck Bass

Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?

–Union Square

Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.

–Bar, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.

–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: letthemusicplayy

Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!

–Rite Aid, Grand Central

Posted on July 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Height, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

Heather Gave Sir Paul Exactly What He Wanted

Hobo to one-legged girl walking by: Damn you're sexy, even without that leg!
Bag lady: He wants you to fuck him with your nub.

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on July 3, 2015
Alphabet City, Backdoor, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Horny, Parks, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking

Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Comebacks, Crazies, Hobos, Jesus, Preachers, Union Square and East Village

Finally, a Phrase Everyone Can Use!

Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick wet.
Flamboyant queer: That’s something straight people say.
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick stinky.

–Soho

Overheard by: Daniel Scott

Posted on June 30, 2015
Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Scents of the City, Smoking, Soho, Words

This Price Ain’t Right

Woman: I’ll give you one up the butt if you let me be a stay at home mom.
Man: Once for every year you stay home.
Woman: Once per child.
Man: Once for every two years, or I’ll be the stay at home.
Woman: Fine.

–Astor Place