Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!

–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side

Overheard by: globalvillageidiot

Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rei

Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!

–13th St & University

Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!

–1 Train

Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Posted on May 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bag ladies, Cum, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

My Publicist Will Issue a Statement Later in the Ride

Bad lady, starting her speech: Ladies and gentlemen…
Conductor over speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways. I repeat, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways.
Bag lady, looking nervous: I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, the conductor of the train and I do not get along.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on April 26, 2009
Bag ladies, Conductors, Homeless, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation

Or Else I Need to Disguise My Groceries Better

Old bag lady: What about you, playboy? You got any money for me?
Man: No, sorry.
Old bag lady: You sure? I can take care of your sausage. Arrangements can be made.
(she walks away)
Man, contemplative, to self: Do I really look that desperate?

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Posted on February 21, 2009
Bag ladies, Homeless, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Penis, Questions, Sex, Staten Island Ferry

If Only There Was a Way to Solve Both These Problems

Guy to begging bag lady: Somebody stinks!
Begging bag lady, over her shoulder: Somebody could lose some weight!

–Uptown C Train

Posted on January 31, 2009
Bag ladies, Diet/Weight, Guys, On the Subway, Only in New York, Sensory Experiences

He's Figuring She'll Die in the Night

Homeless Woman: Psst. Psst. You da managa?
McDonald's Employee: Yes.
Homeless Woman: I could get a application?
McDonald's Employee: Come back tomorrow.

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on December 27, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Bag ladies, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

Dude, Don't Tease the Homeless

Homeless woman on train walking around with a tip cup after playing the guitar: Please spare some change. Somebody. Anybody!
30-something Guido, pulling out a $20: Do you have change?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on November 28, 2008
Bag ladies, Guidos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling

Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.

–A Bus

Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.

–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!

–139th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!

–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Posted on October 22, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Punch, Subway conductors, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Live in Upscale Packing Crates

Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!

–Broadway & 53rd St

Overheard by: JoBell

Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?

–Wall Street

Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!

–14th St

Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.

–L Train

Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.

–Uptown F Train

Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?

–W 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Crazies, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Movies, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Go Balls Out

Male kickballer: You know, I always like waking up with two testicles!

–Queensboro Oval, 59th & York

Overheard by: Me too

Bag lady outside of a shelter to another: Men think all they got to do is show us their dick and balls and we gonna be mesmerized.

–30th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Beef Cheeks

Gay guy: Yeah, I stopped watching that game after he started dressing up like a woman and kicking photographers in the balls.

–Park Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: fey

High school girl wrapping arms around other girl's shoulders: Suck my balls.

–60th b/w Broadway & Columbus

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Queer guys, Teens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liners

MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!

–127th & Lenox

Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.

Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!

–AirTrain to Jamaica

Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.

–Lafayette & Franklin